Posts

Welcome 2015! My Sexy New Year's Resolutions

/0 Comments/in , , , , /by

It’s that time of the year again, when we wipe the slate clean, throw out the old and ring in the new. New beginnings. New goals. New ideas. New, new, new. Yes, it’s the New Year and this year is gonna be different.
I resolve to keep learning as much as I can about shit I don’t know. I’ll tell ya, I always get a thrill when I learn something that I didn’t know when I take my head off the pillow in the morning. When I see someone doing something that I can’t figure out, like working on some hidden pipeline as I walk down the street, I ask them what they’re doing so I can learn even more about what’s under my feet. They are always sharing knowledge with me that goes into yet another fold of the grey matter between my ears.
Why? Because there’s too many things happening not to be! There’s an app to do just about everything, new places to discover, new restaurants to explore, new people to meet and new things to learn.
I resolve to be out there more. Yes, BE out there more. As in be in touch with more of you to spread the word about the wonderful world of sex. And motorcycles. Yep, motorcycles. More on that in another blog… And yeah, sex toys… I can’t love ‘em enough! I’ll review more, post more, post more videos and get more yummy tidbits out there, just for you. And please feel free to share…
But back to sex. It’s such an amazing thing, it really is, and has been such an integral part of my life for decades. I have experienced so much and only feel that I’m just beginning. Like 2015. And I’ll share those experiences with you and of course, change the names to protect the not too innocent!
So here’s to a fantastic 2015. I know I’ll be adding lots more here, having special events, discounts, tidbits and stuff posted. Just the way I like it – connecting with you and sharing true tales of sex, sextoys, lust, love, motorcycles, Grand Opening! and anything else that comes to mind. Please join me!
Lots of love,
Kim

Happily Losing It

/0 Comments/in /by

I was thinking… I happily and pleasantly lost my virginity when I was 15 because I didn’t want to die not knowing what fucking was like. It was beautiful. I don’t remember any pain. It was with a steady boyfriend and we’re still in touch. He went the family route and married a long time pal and schoolmate of my 2 year younger sister. They had a bunch of daughters and are grandparents several times over. I’m glad I made my choice of living vicariously through others’ offspring.

virginity

When I was 17, I experienced my first and still ONLY EVER double penetration with two guys who were hydroplane racers. This is something I did in my teens with my dad. The racing, not the double penetration. It was, as they always will be, quite acrobatic and the cheap hotel off the circle near the Atlantic City Raceway is long gone as are the two other guys having lost touch with them shortly afterwards. But the remembrance of a really hot fucking night (yes – both ways, so to speak), shall remain. My butthole and vag are twitching thinking about it and I am sure they felt lucky they got to fuck the adventurous girl who was underage.
I’ve always been attracted to older men. When my father and I went on our hydroplane racing field trips (yes, I raced my own boat over two summers, too), my dad and I would share a hotel room and I’d go off to fuck guys twice my age. When I was 16 and 17. If I’d do that now, the guys would be dead. Ah youth. I loved it.
Image source: Flickr
 

Get a handle on dirty talk by reading to each other.

Read to Me: Literary Dirty Talk 101

/0 Comments/in /by

You know, there’s lots of ways to turn on your partner whether you’ve been together a month or been together for years. Some of them are really simple and some of them take some time. You can strip for each other, role play, or participate in some light bondage. A really simple one merely involves your words: dirty talk.

Get a handle on dirty talk by reading to each other.

Source: Guy Jaques

Here’s one of my favorites:

Read to each other! When you were a child, remember what it was like to be read to when it was time for bed? You were relaxed, your imagination began to run wild, the person reading to you took you to places you only fantasized about.
Well, once upon a time can still work for you and your sex life and here’s how.
First, grab a good book or print out something from the internet that you really like. If it’s a book, highlight with a pink highlighter what paragraphs turn you on and have your partner highlight their favorites with a blue highlighter (or just pick two different colors). That way, you’ll know that you’re reading passages that get each other hot and turns you on to begin with without having to guess. Often, the segments will be just the good parts so you can get frisky right away.
Anthologies work well because they are stories you can pick up and put down when the action starts! Some books to get started with are Letters to Penthouse, Best of ….. (there are many, many different categories of books of this type), and many books written for couples.

Think Outside the Book

If you’re going to look for some hot writing on the internet to spark your dirty talk session, find something that turns you on and have your partner do the same. Share website info so they can see what works for you. Print out the passages or pull them up on your smartphones to be able to read it to them when you have your private, sex time.
If you really want to let your partner use the depths of their imaginations, simply have them wear a blindfold in order to take away their visual sense and which will allow them to just focus on your words. It’s amazing what taking away one sense (vision) can do for your other ones.
Now let’s say you or your partner get turned on by, say, speaking French or using a French accent. You can try role playing while reading other people’s words from books using accents and breathy reading styles. Moving in a little closer to their ear when you’re getting to the particularly good parts will heighten your stimulation and theirs as well. But don’t forget! The closer you are to one’s ears, the quieter you should be because your voice will be amplified.

The Perk of Reading dirty talk

Speaking of using other people’s words, are you afraid to do something like this because you were taught that girls shouldn’t do dirty talk? If you or your partner are uncomfortable saying words you feel uncomfortable with, simply READ them in stories! That way, you aren’t really saying those words but simply reading someone else’s.
Once you start to be more comfortable with doing this, just keep throwing in your own words to the text. Pretty soon, you’ll be able to make it up as you go along and get a hotter scene going than what anyone else could write.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with a little grown up reading to spark your imagination!

Adult Toys Abstract Accepted by Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality

/0 Comments/in /by

Society for the Scientific Study of SexualityI have good news to report! My abstract for a presentation has been accepted for the annual meeting of The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS)! It’s taking place in San Diego in November and I couldn’t be more excited about it.
The presentation is called, “Practical Knowledge of Adult Toys for Practitioners.” Intrigued? You should be! Adult toys and their role in medical practice is one of my favorite topics. I’ll be posting more updates about this soon and maybe even some info on the subject for those scientific minds out there.
The SSSS was founded in 1957 to promote and encourage the study of sexuality.

masque sexual flavors

Masque Sexual Flavors Review: Product Testing…It's a Dirty Job

/in /by

Masque Sexual Flavors strip ready to go on my tongueOkay, so as most of you know, I do product testing for XBIZ’s print edition of the mag that you can also read digitally here. Every month, a box of four goodies magically appears on my doorstep and I get to relive my Christmas morning memories, albeit now with more of an adult twist than when I was 6 years old. The toys are different and getting to ride the pony now has a whole new meaning. This month, I was treated to partaking in Masque Sexual Flavors. Treat is the operative word, here.
When I get one of those plain, brown boxes with the XBIZ return address, my heart gets pumping and my fingers get fumbling in anticipation of what’s packed inside. I sometimes get various shapes and sizes of vibrators and other things to stick into the orifices in my nether regions. And if I’m extra lucky, on many occasions, I also get to stick them in other willing partners’ cavities and I don’t mean the ones that get filled by the dentist. Yes, sometimes I DO have to rely on the judgment of others to complete my journey for efficient and accurate reporting but hey, I have no problem with doing that.
But last month, I got one of the most intriguing products I have ever tried.

I Was a Skeptic

I’m not one much for ingestibles, the catch all phrase to describe products that, well, you ingest or at least put in your mouth to get them to work. This includes pills that will “drive her wild,” or numbing products so I can deep throat more easily (I find a clogged sinus much more difficult to deal with than a too-big dick and many of you probably know what I mean. The resulting slurping sounds are not that I wanna lay spit on your manhood, it just means I still have to freakin’ BREATHE). Ingestibles include the infamous Spanish Fly which we know goes straight to one’s head thinking that it will work – yes, the placebo effect IS alive and well in the adult marketplace, thankyouverymuch.
So imagine my surprise when I received a product that I judged along with SexToy Dave at the XBIZ Retail Show in Burbank in January of this year. It was during the “3 Minute Show Off” interactive program where he and I and the packed audience were presented with new and innovative products in order to knock our socks off. Dave’s reaction was that ingestibles don’t really sell well and he didn’t think there was a big market for it and my response was equally incredulous… there’s no way this product could actually WORK.
I am happy to report: I was wrong.
The little packet of three Masque Sexual Flavors strips arrived in my box from XBIZ along with two vibrators and something else I can’t remember at the moment. I stared at the fancy, grey, wallet sized packet that to me screamed “Female Friendly” and “Don’t Worry What You Are REALLY Using It For – Just BUY IT!” and many other things that got my mind spinning.
Basically, what Masque Sexual Flavors do (and who came up with that name… I mean, I get the Masque part but Sexual Flavors? Sexual Flavors to usually means sweat, salt, sweet, lube, fingers, balls, snatch, and, well, since you HAD to ask, yes, cum), is mask the flavor of the aforementioned ejaculate in order to make oral sex more, um, welcoming and inviting by providing a mélange of the flavors of Strawberry, Mango, Chocolate and Watermelon, with a strong but not overpowering hint of mint. And for many blowjob recipients, covering the flavor of rampant spermatozoa is just what they need in order to take a pop in the mouth.
So, I was then given the challenge to not only dissolve one of the Strawberry flavored Masque strips on my tongue, I had to test the product by finding a sperm donor pal to get some head in order for me to take one for the team.
But I still had to be convinced that the Masque Sexual Flavors strip would do the trick. When Dave and I were the judges on the XBIZ panel, my comment was that since it was formulated to mask the taste of something that one didn’t want to eat, I suggested you give a Masque Sexual Flavors strip to your kid in order for them to eat their broccoli. Now that I had my very own testing packet, I had to test it for its intended purpose. I had always believed cum was comprised of protein (at least that’s what Cosmo always tells me) so I thought that maybe if I let one dissolve on my tongue before ingesting a bite of white turkey breast (I DO go both ways, you know), it would mask the flavor of turkey. I slapped one on my tongue before chowing down (on LUNCH) and lo and behold! Nothing! Didn’t neutralize the taste of turkey at all! I got to enjoy gobbling my turkey without missing out on one of my favorite flavors. Whew…

Getting Down to Business

Now came the fun part (I guess that’s the past tense of cum, right?). Finding the right fuckbuddy to dump a load on the target – a dissolved Masque Sexual Flavors strip in the center of my long, silky tongue.
Yet I still had to do a little research. What is it about the taste of cum that people don’t like? I thought I would ask the people that actually produce the stuff… MEN. I started asking my guy friends if they’ve ever tasted their own spunk and I was quite surprised with the answers that stumbled into my ears.
From my own experience, it’s a rare dude that tastes his own juice, whether it’s after getting a load splooged on my body and licking it off or exchanged during a kiss… oh, that sounds sooo fluffy! During snowballing, when one exchanges a load back and forth through kissing and if THAT doesn’t confuse the thousands of lively sperm, I don’t know what does! (Where’s the goddamn EGG??? And what are those – TEETH???).
I asked several guy friends, straight and gay, and the responses were split kinda in the middle with the straight guys NEVER swallowing their own jizz and responding with a flat look when I said “So it’s a girl’s job, then?” They looked at me with a blank expression which I interpreted as “who’s else would it be?” They also responded with “That’s sooo GAY!” As for gay guys, nearly all of them said they had tasted their own and frequently still do as if that’s the way it is if you’re a gay man. Maybe the straight guys ARE right, then.
So I lassoed my friend Adam to be my test guinea pig (emphasis on the pig) and when I called him to tell him what I needed him to do in the name of product testing, he barked “YEEES!” faster than I could give him details. He was over to my place the next night.
“Okay, so you know why I’m doing this,” I reminded him. Note to girls: GUYS DON’T CARE. THEY’RE GOING TO BE GETTING A BLOW JOB.
I greeted him at the door in my customary fuckbuddy manner, much like you would welcome a friend coming over to play pinochle, except that we both knew what was in store. I sat down, he remained standing, then I yanked out his soon-to-be-throbbing wood and began working magic using my hands and mouth. He was up for the job of product tester in no time. A few minutes had passed and then I decided it was then to let the Masque Sexual Flavor strip do the deed in the center of my moist tongue.
I dropped the strip in the center of my stuck-out tongue and announced “O-ay. I aff it owyn ai hongue nwow zo you haf a waay a winnit” as I let it dissolve on my tongue while I played with his still stiff member. Afterwards I thought that I probably should have put the strip on my oral appendage before I started to do the deed.
On viewing the dissolving test product on my outstretched tongue, he quickly announced “it’s melted!” faster than the Wicked Witch of the West exclaimed when she was diluted with water in the Wizard of Oz. And lucky for me, he was worked up and ready to go for the bullseye – the residue of the dissolved strip within my mouth.
“Hii-ya a-wayh” I uttered awkwardly, making sure my lips wouldn’t be in harm’s way to, well, totally blow the experiment. Sure enough, he dumped his load right on target along with the obligatory “uhhhh, uhhh” the way most guys express themselves when it’s time to become 10ccs lighter.
I stood up and let the freshly released spunk stay on my tongue longer than I usually do in order for the Masque Sexual Flavors strip to work its documented magic. I could feel the familiar texture on my tongue, then feel it slide into the back of my mouth the way that so many clams and oysters do for me in the summertime. Before I knew it, the experimental load found its way past my tonsils all the while I could taste NOTHING.
I looked at him incredulously… he probably thought I was in love with him or something but he knew I was really product testing so I’m sure that thought really never passed through his mind. He was shaking his head while having that “OMG – I can’t believe I shot off that much” look and I was looking at him with the “OMG – I can’t believe I had so much shot in AND I DIDN’T TASTE A THING.”

Masque Sexual Flavors: The Verdict

That Masque Sexual Flavors strip DID work to hide the flavor of his load, which came as utter shock and awe to me, the product tester who has tried zillions of products that “guarantee orgasm!” “heighten stimulation!” “gives you the best sex you’ve ever had!” and, well, “Masque’s the taste of cum!” At least I know one of the products isn’t lying.

Sex toys are tricky when your wrist is broken.

The Trouble with Sex Toys for the (Temporarily) Disabled

/0 Comments/in /by

Here I am – now among the ranks of the (temporarily) disabled community. I banked into a wall during a workout and tried to break my fall with my left wrist which resulted in, well, breaking my left wrist. Getting thrust into this realm makes me think about using sex toys when you’re unable to fully grasp them, never mind successfully using personal lubricant without having it dribble into my cast. Hmmm… gives me pause and makes me think about the people that have permanent disabilities and how they can successfully and pleasurably use the gizmos in our crazy business.

What Sex Toys Should I Use?

Sex toys are tricky when your wrist is broken.
Looking at my grandopening.com website, which is chock full of pretty much anything you could ever want and need in the world of sex toys, I am now thinking about what vibrator has a cap at the base that I can twist with one hand (I have no gripping ability), what lube doesn’t have a silvery, stuck on seal that I can’t grasp, have lingerie I can slip in because even though I have a wad of fiberglas encircling my forearm that twirls down to the top of my knuckles and yet still feel sexy. And of course, there’s the other things I love to do, cast be damned!
So let’s see… in order to feel sexy, I might just light up one of those super sensuous massage candles available. You know, the ones made with soy oil that burn at a low temperature which allows me to dribble the oil all over my willing partner. Let’s see… oh look! They have a kind of pop top cap that MAYBE I can take off with one hand but they also have a plastic seal around the edge which does make it a little trickier to open, if at all. How about a pull off ring on the top so I can manage it with one hand? It might look a little cheesy but I’m disabled, you know. Hallelujah! Here’s the BSwish massage candle in a very sexy, open container that I can not only light easily but can grasp pretty easily, too, perhaps even with my casted arm.
Now about that lighter I need to light the candle. I think I’d either burn the house down or cause third degree burns if I tried to handle a lighter or matches right now. I think I’ll use my long charcoal bar-be-que lighter that I can easily wrangle with one hand that throws flames further than my almost-casted fingers.
On to the lingerie. Have to look good while using the sex toys, right? Since I can’t use something with long sleeves because it would probably snag at my elbow, how about slipping into something sexy with no zippers, buttons, snaps or eyelets that I have found are virtually impossible to use right now? Let’s see… Here’s a long schmata although the picture doesn’t show me what the back of it looks like.. hopefully it won’t have those aforementioned clothing closings which cause me so much temporary grief. And fortunately, I can shimmy into (and out of) that G string…
Okay, so the soy candle is lit, the lingerie is on (and it fits over my cast! Woohoo! It amazes me about what gets me excited now!), and now it’s time for the pleasure of toys… let’s see what I grab.
First, I always start with lube which I have always said and will always say, is the numero uno sex toy that everyone should have and use, disability be damned! So let’s look at some…
You know the caps that lots of lube companies use? The caps can sometimes be easy to flip open with one hand which is extra nice when you’re doing something else with sex toys with your hand, but about that pesky foil seal. Now I know that companies use them to ensure purity for the product inside, which is understandable but when you aren’t able to grasp the teeny tiny foil tabbie things on the seal, well, you’re SOL. What to do? Simple! Grab a pump bottle of lube instead! The pump assures you there will be no obstacle-inducing foil seals inside. The pumps go all the way to the bottom of the bottle so if I happen to tip the bottle in a wacky angle, it will probably work just fine. Thank goodness I already have this life-saving bottle of I-D lube at the ready. Pump size, natch.
As for sex toys, if it’s a solo flight, a dildo is a pretty safe bet. Easy to grab and hold on to, there are more dildos out there than I can shake a vagina at. Glass, silicone, or metal, they’ll always do the trick without leaving me frustrated that I can’t put batteries in the shaft ‘cuz for the most part, they ain’t made to do so.
Well, let’s say I want to visit vibrator land… there’s always the trusty silver bullet vibe and the standard one with the attached battery case cover, you know, the ones that take 2 AA batteries, that will let me open it with one hand. Never gave it much thought but now I sure do. The Ultra Bullet Power Vibe from Nasstoys is long enough to use on the outside or slip into the inside… just they way, uh huh uh huh, I like it…
Now if I want to use something other than the silver bullet in the land of sex toys, that might be a little trickier. The Evolved rolling speed control on their Roulette collection of vibrators might be easy to use in my frisky, disabled moments. Looking at the video which accompanies many of the products on the grandopening.com website, it shows me how to put the batteries in which helps me determine what I would need to do in order to successfully grasp the willing silicone vibe. Hmmm. Looks like I’d have to shove the shaft near my armpit to give it my newly learned upper bicep death grip which is what I use to open mayonnaise jars right now. If I can handle a 30 oz., 4 inch wide jar of Helman’s Light Mayo, a silicone vibe should be no problem. And the rolling speed control on the base will eliminate any twisting of my only other functional wrist and I’ll be careful not to use Helman’s as my lube.
Yes, I’m sure you’re all wondering about the other popular vibe out there. I know I can always grab the trusty Hitachi Magic Wand but if it slips away from my single, right handed grasp and falls onto my hardened left forearm, that could be a little ouchy, resulting in a quick sucking down of a Vicodin. Better leave the Hitachi to massage my aching shoulders instead.
Okay, enough about me. How about you, my dear lovers? I mean, what better way to increase blood circulation into my ailing appendage than to take things into my own hands and have some fun, mano a mano sexual relations with one-handed sex toys?
Well, being Trysexual (“I’ll try anything sexual”), there might be times I’m with a male buddy and want to do the ol’ hand jive. But wait! Sliding up and down with a wad of fiberglas in my fist is not my definition of a good time and most likely not his either! What to do? I think it’s time to use one of those hand-y hand job assistants, pocket pussies as they were, and use that with the assistance of my right hand and loose lips. A lightweight one would decrease the risk of creating muscle weakness in my one strong wrist so I better go with the Nasswalk Better Than Real Skin Pussy – Jessica (I’ll rename it Kim) because the Fleshlight is a tad bulky right now and I can’t crack open the Tenga Egg with a cast. Maybe smash it but it would wreck the feng shui of the moment.
Now, if it’s someone that delights in the sensation of being on the receiving end, aka pegging and those sorts of things, the easiest harness to use when you’re the one handed wonder is the ever-popular RodeoH harness, a simple to use, shimmy into pair of tighty whiteys that happen to have an easy-to-access harness ring built into the front. This makes for no pesky straps that I’d have to loop around a doorknob to tighten before the action starts. That would NOT be a pretty sight nor would I consider it foreplay (although some people I know would). All I need to do is pop an aforementioned dildo in place and presto! Cast be damned! I’m having a good time with my sex toys!
And you know what? I decided I am no longer telling people I crashed into a wall during a workout. It just doesn’t sound sexy enough so when people ask how I broke my wrist, I’m going to tell them I did it masturbating.
Ah yes, if only it were true.
JOTB:
If a stork brings white babies and a blackbird brings black babies, what bird brings NO babies?
A swallow.
Once a manager in a company had to let go of one of his employees, either Jack or Mary. He couldn’t decide who so he thought he would wait to see who would go up to the water cooler first.
He waited, then Mary went up to the water cooler to take two aspirin. He went up to Mary and said “Mary, I have a problem. I don’t know whether to lay you or Jack off.” She looked at him and said “You better jack off. I have a headache.”