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A New (Old) Line of Work for Kim Airs

August 6, 2013/0 Comments/in News /by Kim Airs

Not my legs. But if they were, I’d be spreadin’ em. Ha!

I’m doing something I’ve always wanted to do…
You know, I’m pretty comfortable in my own skin. After being in the sex toy biz for 20 years now, I think I gotta be. And, to add even more years to the whole sex thing, I really got my swerve on in 1987 after I got officially divorced after 7 ½ years of marriage. True. But that’s another blog.
I’ve always been one to live out my fantasies and encourage others to do the same. I mean, why just always THINK about doing something without ever ACTING on it? Sure, there are some that you just don’t want to go there with (underage sex, fucking your horse, swinging from the top of the Empire State Building), you know, stuff like that. But there are many others that you CAN go for, ones that may be considered extreme or taboo or just plain crazy enough that you’d be crazy enough to do it.
Well, I’m happy to report, I’m doing it. “It” is something that I’ve done before but in a different situation. “It” being something that I got such absolute pleasure from, I want to do it again. “It” being something that I told no one else about except someone who had previously been my boss and who I trusted with all of my secrets. “It” being a job that I didn’t even tell my boyfriend at the time about. “It” being sex work.

“It” being a whore.

Yep. I said it. Many years ago, I worked as a call girl for two years while I was working full time at Harvard University. Yes, THAT Harvard.
During those two years flat backin’ for fun and profit, I experienced countless amazing episodes of expressed sexuality whether it was being intimate with a recently widowed young man, watching porno while chomping on popcorn with a guy, listening to someone’s life story without judgment, and of course, providing plenty of men with delightful handjobs, blowjobs and plain ol’ fucking.
Yes, I miss sex work and I’m going back for more.
From August 16 through August 23, I will be working for a week at a well established brothel up in Carson City, Nevada, where whoredom is plentiful AND legal. It will be the first time I’m holed up (so to speak) with a herd of other gals all out for the same thing. A gaggle of gals where I’m probably old enough to be their mother and probably for some of them, their GRANDMOTHER but I’m not gonna go there with that.
I think of the maturity and experience I can bring to the table or bed when I think of working at the brothel. You know, there’s PLENTY of young, studly twenty somethings that are willing to part with hard earned cash to be intimate with a strong, older woman who doesn’t care about how many posts she has on Facebook and Twitter (okay, actually, I WOULD but that’s not why I’m parting my legs). There are many men who want to get nailed in privacy, plenty of guys who for no other reason, want to have sex with a stranger. There’s plenty of guys who may be disabled and want to experience passion for the first time. But I’m not doing it for them, no, I’m doing it to experience my fantasy because I’ve never worked in a brothel before and I have always wanted to.
Besides which, you wouldn’t buy a book from an illiterate bookseller, would you?
Plus, it’ll give me a lot to write about and post here with anonymity guaranteed. So stay tuned for more ramblings about being a living, breathing sex worker. And if you’ve ever wanted to get with that mature and experienced woman, just book an appointment with me at the Love Ranch North. I promise I won’t write about you unless you really want me to.

See ya at the Ranch…

Amanda Palmer, Kim Airs, and Kirsten Vangsness talk sexual health

Kim Airs. Amanda Palmer. Kirsten Vangsness. The Dirty View

May 3, 2013/0 Comments/in News /by Kim Airs

Happy Friday! Okay, this one’s an oldie, but I wanted to share it with you all anyway because:
A. I’ve never mentioned it on my blog before, and
B. It’s really cool and you should know about it.

With that out of the way, may I present to you a podcast I recorded with Amanda Palmer, er, I mean, Amanda Fucking Palmer and Kirsten Vangsness from Criminal Minds back on March 11, 2011 at SModCastle in Hollywood.

Source: AFPWire

It’s The Dirty View! We talked all about sexual health, our experiences with Planned Parenthood, birth control, and more. It was fun and educational. Plus, yours truly brought along a bunch of sex toys and they sure are fun to hear on the radio!

Kim Airs putting demonstrating condom application

What, did you think I was kidding about the putting a condom on with my mouth trick? Source: AFP Wire

After we all chatted for a bit, Amanda sang “Map of Tasmania” (with vibrator accompaniment) and we answered a few questions from the audience. Good times!
The really cool part is you can listen to the podcast free or even download it for however much you’re willing to pay. 100% of the proceeds go to Planned Parenthood so if you believe in the work they do or enjoyed hearing us talk about sexual health (or enjoyed hearing me put a condom on with my mouth), think about shelling out a few bucks, would ya?
It’s for a good cause and I had a lot of fun. What more could you ask for?

GrandOpening.com to Donate 10% of Sales to One Fund Boston

April 18, 2013/in News /by Kim Airs

The title says it all. After hearing about the Boston Marathon bombing, I was left wondering what I could do to help my old hometown. Those rushing to aid people at the marathon were great evidence of the good in humanity. What could I do all the way over here in California?
Then it hit me. I’m going to donate 10% of online sales at GrandOpening.com to The One Fund Boston, a fund set up by Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick and Boston Mayor Tom Menino, to aid those affected by the Boston Marathon bombing. If you want to buy sex toys in the near future, consider purchasing from Grand Opening!. Let’s raise as much money as we can for Boston.

Masque Sexual Flavors Review: Product Testing…It's a Dirty Job

November 23, 2012/in Reviews /by Kim Airs

Okay, so as most of you know, I do product testing for XBIZ’s print edition of the mag that you can also read digitally here. Every month, a box of four goodies magically appears on my doorstep and I get to relive my Christmas morning memories, albeit now with more of an adult twist than when I was 6 years old. The toys are different and getting to ride the pony now has a whole new meaning. This month, I was treated to partaking in Masque Sexual Flavors. Treat is the operative word, here.
When I get one of those plain, brown boxes with the XBIZ return address, my heart gets pumping and my fingers get fumbling in anticipation of what’s packed inside. I sometimes get various shapes and sizes of vibrators and other things to stick into the orifices in my nether regions. And if I’m extra lucky, on many occasions, I also get to stick them in other willing partners’ cavities and I don’t mean the ones that get filled by the dentist. Yes, sometimes I DO have to rely on the judgment of others to complete my journey for efficient and accurate reporting but hey, I have no problem with doing that.
But last month, I got one of the most intriguing products I have ever tried.

I Was a Skeptic

I’m not one much for ingestibles, the catch all phrase to describe products that, well, you ingest or at least put in your mouth to get them to work. This includes pills that will “drive her wild,” or numbing products so I can deep throat more easily (I find a clogged sinus much more difficult to deal with than a too-big dick and many of you probably know what I mean. The resulting slurping sounds are not that I wanna lay spit on your manhood, it just means I still have to freakin’ BREATHE). Ingestibles include the infamous Spanish Fly which we know goes straight to one’s head thinking that it will work – yes, the placebo effect IS alive and well in the adult marketplace, thankyouverymuch.
So imagine my surprise when I received a product that I judged along with SexToy Dave at the XBIZ Retail Show in Burbank in January of this year. It was during the “3 Minute Show Off” interactive program where he and I and the packed audience were presented with new and innovative products in order to knock our socks off. Dave’s reaction was that ingestibles don’t really sell well and he didn’t think there was a big market for it and my response was equally incredulous… there’s no way this product could actually WORK.
I am happy to report: I was wrong.
The little packet of three Masque Sexual Flavors strips arrived in my box from XBIZ along with two vibrators and something else I can’t remember at the moment. I stared at the fancy, grey, wallet sized packet that to me screamed “Female Friendly” and “Don’t Worry What You Are REALLY Using It For – Just BUY IT!” and many other things that got my mind spinning.
Basically, what Masque Sexual Flavors do (and who came up with that name… I mean, I get the Masque part but Sexual Flavors? Sexual Flavors to usually means sweat, salt, sweet, lube, fingers, balls, snatch, and, well, since you HAD to ask, yes, cum), is mask the flavor of the aforementioned ejaculate in order to make oral sex more, um, welcoming and inviting by providing a mélange of the flavors of Strawberry, Mango, Chocolate and Watermelon, with a strong but not overpowering hint of mint. And for many blowjob recipients, covering the flavor of rampant spermatozoa is just what they need in order to take a pop in the mouth.
So, I was then given the challenge to not only dissolve one of the Strawberry flavored Masque strips on my tongue, I had to test the product by finding a sperm donor pal to get some head in order for me to take one for the team.
But I still had to be convinced that the Masque Sexual Flavors strip would do the trick. When Dave and I were the judges on the XBIZ panel, my comment was that since it was formulated to mask the taste of something that one didn’t want to eat, I suggested you give a Masque Sexual Flavors strip to your kid in order for them to eat their broccoli. Now that I had my very own testing packet, I had to test it for its intended purpose. I had always believed cum was comprised of protein (at least that’s what Cosmo always tells me) so I thought that maybe if I let one dissolve on my tongue before ingesting a bite of white turkey breast (I DO go both ways, you know), it would mask the flavor of turkey. I slapped one on my tongue before chowing down (on LUNCH) and lo and behold! Nothing! Didn’t neutralize the taste of turkey at all! I got to enjoy gobbling my turkey without missing out on one of my favorite flavors. Whew…

Getting Down to Business

Now came the fun part (I guess that’s the past tense of cum, right?). Finding the right fuckbuddy to dump a load on the target – a dissolved Masque Sexual Flavors strip in the center of my long, silky tongue.
Yet I still had to do a little research. What is it about the taste of cum that people don’t like? I thought I would ask the people that actually produce the stuff… MEN. I started asking my guy friends if they’ve ever tasted their own spunk and I was quite surprised with the answers that stumbled into my ears.
From my own experience, it’s a rare dude that tastes his own juice, whether it’s after getting a load splooged on my body and licking it off or exchanged during a kiss… oh, that sounds sooo fluffy! During snowballing, when one exchanges a load back and forth through kissing and if THAT doesn’t confuse the thousands of lively sperm, I don’t know what does! (Where’s the goddamn EGG??? And what are those – TEETH???).
I asked several guy friends, straight and gay, and the responses were split kinda in the middle with the straight guys NEVER swallowing their own jizz and responding with a flat look when I said “So it’s a girl’s job, then?” They looked at me with a blank expression which I interpreted as “who’s else would it be?” They also responded with “That’s sooo GAY!” As for gay guys, nearly all of them said they had tasted their own and frequently still do as if that’s the way it is if you’re a gay man. Maybe the straight guys ARE right, then.
So I lassoed my friend Adam to be my test guinea pig (emphasis on the pig) and when I called him to tell him what I needed him to do in the name of product testing, he barked “YEEES!” faster than I could give him details. He was over to my place the next night.
“Okay, so you know why I’m doing this,” I reminded him. Note to girls: GUYS DON’T CARE. THEY’RE GOING TO BE GETTING A BLOW JOB.
I greeted him at the door in my customary fuckbuddy manner, much like you would welcome a friend coming over to play pinochle, except that we both knew what was in store. I sat down, he remained standing, then I yanked out his soon-to-be-throbbing wood and began working magic using my hands and mouth. He was up for the job of product tester in no time. A few minutes had passed and then I decided it was then to let the Masque Sexual Flavor strip do the deed in the center of my moist tongue.
I dropped the strip in the center of my stuck-out tongue and announced “O-ay. I aff it owyn ai hongue nwow zo you haf a waay a winnit” as I let it dissolve on my tongue while I played with his still stiff member. Afterwards I thought that I probably should have put the strip on my oral appendage before I started to do the deed.
On viewing the dissolving test product on my outstretched tongue, he quickly announced “it’s melted!” faster than the Wicked Witch of the West exclaimed when she was diluted with water in the Wizard of Oz. And lucky for me, he was worked up and ready to go for the bullseye – the residue of the dissolved strip within my mouth.
“Hii-ya a-wayh” I uttered awkwardly, making sure my lips wouldn’t be in harm’s way to, well, totally blow the experiment. Sure enough, he dumped his load right on target along with the obligatory “uhhhh, uhhh” the way most guys express themselves when it’s time to become 10ccs lighter.
I stood up and let the freshly released spunk stay on my tongue longer than I usually do in order for the Masque Sexual Flavors strip to work its documented magic. I could feel the familiar texture on my tongue, then feel it slide into the back of my mouth the way that so many clams and oysters do for me in the summertime. Before I knew it, the experimental load found its way past my tonsils all the while I could taste NOTHING.
I looked at him incredulously… he probably thought I was in love with him or something but he knew I was really product testing so I’m sure that thought really never passed through his mind. He was shaking his head while having that “OMG – I can’t believe I shot off that much” look and I was looking at him with the “OMG – I can’t believe I had so much shot in AND I DIDN’T TASTE A THING.”

Masque Sexual Flavors: The Verdict

That Masque Sexual Flavors strip DID work to hide the flavor of his load, which came as utter shock and awe to me, the product tester who has tried zillions of products that “guarantee orgasm!” “heighten stimulation!” “gives you the best sex you’ve ever had!” and, well, “Masque’s the taste of cum!” At least I know one of the products isn’t lying.

Sex toys are tricky when your wrist is broken.

The Trouble with Sex Toys for the (Temporarily) Disabled

May 13, 2012/0 Comments/in Sex Toy Business /by Kim Airs

Here I am – now among the ranks of the (temporarily) disabled community. I banked into a wall during a workout and tried to break my fall with my left wrist which resulted in, well, breaking my left wrist. Getting thrust into this realm makes me think about using sex toys when you’re unable to fully grasp them, never mind successfully using personal lubricant without having it dribble into my cast. Hmmm… gives me pause and makes me think about the people that have permanent disabilities and how they can successfully and pleasurably use the gizmos in our crazy business.

What Sex Toys Should I Use?

Looking at my grandopening.com website, which is chock full of pretty much anything you could ever want and need in the world of sex toys, I am now thinking about what vibrator has a cap at the base that I can twist with one hand (I have no gripping ability), what lube doesn’t have a silvery, stuck on seal that I can’t grasp, have lingerie I can slip in because even though I have a wad of fiberglas encircling my forearm that twirls down to the top of my knuckles and yet still feel sexy. And of course, there’s the other things I love to do, cast be damned!
So let’s see… in order to feel sexy, I might just light up one of those super sensuous massage candles available. You know, the ones made with soy oil that burn at a low temperature which allows me to dribble the oil all over my willing partner. Let’s see… oh look! They have a kind of pop top cap that MAYBE I can take off with one hand but they also have a plastic seal around the edge which does make it a little trickier to open, if at all. How about a pull off ring on the top so I can manage it with one hand? It might look a little cheesy but I’m disabled, you know. Hallelujah! Here’s the BSwish massage candle in a very sexy, open container that I can not only light easily but can grasp pretty easily, too, perhaps even with my casted arm.
Now about that lighter I need to light the candle. I think I’d either burn the house down or cause third degree burns if I tried to handle a lighter or matches right now. I think I’ll use my long charcoal bar-be-que lighter that I can easily wrangle with one hand that throws flames further than my almost-casted fingers.
On to the lingerie. Have to look good while using the sex toys, right? Since I can’t use something with long sleeves because it would probably snag at my elbow, how about slipping into something sexy with no zippers, buttons, snaps or eyelets that I have found are virtually impossible to use right now? Let’s see… Here’s a long schmata although the picture doesn’t show me what the back of it looks like.. hopefully it won’t have those aforementioned clothing closings which cause me so much temporary grief. And fortunately, I can shimmy into (and out of) that G string…
Okay, so the soy candle is lit, the lingerie is on (and it fits over my cast! Woohoo! It amazes me about what gets me excited now!), and now it’s time for the pleasure of toys… let’s see what I grab.
First, I always start with lube which I have always said and will always say, is the numero uno sex toy that everyone should have and use, disability be damned! So let’s look at some…
You know the caps that lots of lube companies use? The caps can sometimes be easy to flip open with one hand which is extra nice when you’re doing something else with sex toys with your hand, but about that pesky foil seal. Now I know that companies use them to ensure purity for the product inside, which is understandable but when you aren’t able to grasp the teeny tiny foil tabbie things on the seal, well, you’re SOL. What to do? Simple! Grab a pump bottle of lube instead! The pump assures you there will be no obstacle-inducing foil seals inside. The pumps go all the way to the bottom of the bottle so if I happen to tip the bottle in a wacky angle, it will probably work just fine. Thank goodness I already have this life-saving bottle of I-D lube at the ready. Pump size, natch.
As for sex toys, if it’s a solo flight, a dildo is a pretty safe bet. Easy to grab and hold on to, there are more dildos out there than I can shake a vagina at. Glass, silicone, or metal, they’ll always do the trick without leaving me frustrated that I can’t put batteries in the shaft ‘cuz for the most part, they ain’t made to do so.
Well, let’s say I want to visit vibrator land… there’s always the trusty silver bullet vibe and the standard one with the attached battery case cover, you know, the ones that take 2 AA batteries, that will let me open it with one hand. Never gave it much thought but now I sure do. The Ultra Bullet Power Vibe from Nasstoys is long enough to use on the outside or slip into the inside… just they way, uh huh uh huh, I like it…
Now if I want to use something other than the silver bullet in the land of sex toys, that might be a little trickier. The Evolved rolling speed control on their Roulette collection of vibrators might be easy to use in my frisky, disabled moments. Looking at the video which accompanies many of the products on the grandopening.com website, it shows me how to put the batteries in which helps me determine what I would need to do in order to successfully grasp the willing silicone vibe. Hmmm. Looks like I’d have to shove the shaft near my armpit to give it my newly learned upper bicep death grip which is what I use to open mayonnaise jars right now. If I can handle a 30 oz., 4 inch wide jar of Helman’s Light Mayo, a silicone vibe should be no problem. And the rolling speed control on the base will eliminate any twisting of my only other functional wrist and I’ll be careful not to use Helman’s as my lube.
Yes, I’m sure you’re all wondering about the other popular vibe out there. I know I can always grab the trusty Hitachi Magic Wand but if it slips away from my single, right handed grasp and falls onto my hardened left forearm, that could be a little ouchy, resulting in a quick sucking down of a Vicodin. Better leave the Hitachi to massage my aching shoulders instead.
Okay, enough about me. How about you, my dear lovers? I mean, what better way to increase blood circulation into my ailing appendage than to take things into my own hands and have some fun, mano a mano sexual relations with one-handed sex toys?
Well, being Trysexual (“I’ll try anything sexual”), there might be times I’m with a male buddy and want to do the ol’ hand jive. But wait! Sliding up and down with a wad of fiberglas in my fist is not my definition of a good time and most likely not his either! What to do? I think it’s time to use one of those hand-y hand job assistants, pocket pussies as they were, and use that with the assistance of my right hand and loose lips. A lightweight one would decrease the risk of creating muscle weakness in my one strong wrist so I better go with the Nasswalk Better Than Real Skin Pussy – Jessica (I’ll rename it Kim) because the Fleshlight is a tad bulky right now and I can’t crack open the Tenga Egg with a cast. Maybe smash it but it would wreck the feng shui of the moment.
Now, if it’s someone that delights in the sensation of being on the receiving end, aka pegging and those sorts of things, the easiest harness to use when you’re the one handed wonder is the ever-popular RodeoH harness, a simple to use, shimmy into pair of tighty whiteys that happen to have an easy-to-access harness ring built into the front. This makes for no pesky straps that I’d have to loop around a doorknob to tighten before the action starts. That would NOT be a pretty sight nor would I consider it foreplay (although some people I know would). All I need to do is pop an aforementioned dildo in place and presto! Cast be damned! I’m having a good time with my sex toys!
And you know what? I decided I am no longer telling people I crashed into a wall during a workout. It just doesn’t sound sexy enough so when people ask how I broke my wrist, I’m going to tell them I did it masturbating.
Ah yes, if only it were true.
JOTB:
If a stork brings white babies and a blackbird brings black babies, what bird brings NO babies?
A swallow.
Once a manager in a company had to let go of one of his employees, either Jack or Mary. He couldn’t decide who so he thought he would wait to see who would go up to the water cooler first.
He waited, then Mary went up to the water cooler to take two aspirin. He went up to Mary and said “Mary, I have a problem. I don’t know whether to lay you or Jack off.” She looked at him and said “You better jack off. I have a headache.”

Gender: Do Not Assume

November 13, 2011/0 Comments/in Sex Toy Business /by Kim Airs

You know the old adage, “When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.” Pretty clever, eh? I got to thinking that there’s the strong likelihood that people in this wacky adult industry assume a lot of things, with particular regard to gender. Let’s take a look at our assumptions…

I really love going into adult stores. Porn stores. Peep shows. Arcades. Sex boutiques. Porno theaters (what’s left of them, anyway). You name it, I love it. But a lot of times, these assumptions can color one’s perceptions of what they actually see and experience there. Ask anyone who works in a porn store with male customers trading hard-earned cash for slippery, silvery tokens that are only to be fed into a slot machine (no, not THAT kind silly!) – the ones that show a few minutes of a tired video (okay, in reality, a DVD) for the pleasure of a few anonymous moments, to watch the scene unfold in the privacy of their own booth, only to have the time slip away before the magic moment when the customer creeps out into the front of the store to embarrassingly plead for a few more tokens so he can slide back into the booth to finish himself off.
Now, who is that guy? Old? Young? Well, that’s pretty obvious by just looking at him but the rest is really an unknown. That gold wedding ring can symbolize he’s married, so why is he in the booth with some other guy? Why is he watching that DVD “Trannies Gone Wild in Cabo”? There you go! You can’t assume that he’s a straight married guy, living in the suburbs with his 2.2 children because ya just never know.
And you can never assume anything by looking at the people IN the DVDs either! Watching those lesbian films of two (or more) girls going at it doesn’t make them lesbians – I mean, they’re in porno and they’re acting, you know! Or maybe they really are… you just can’t assume anything.
Not only can you not assume their gender preference, you can’t assume their gender either.
Now, let’s take the fab porn star Buck Angel… have you seen him? If not, I highly recommend seeing his new DVD “Sexing the Transman.” Yes, you read right. One look at Buck and you’d be saying “Hey Dude! Let’s meet at the local cigar hangout and light a few stogies together!” He’s a man’s man – buff with strong tribal tattoos adorning his thick guns, goatee that circles a mischievous grin, tight ass that he knows how to use, and wait! What’s that between his legs?!? It’s, it’s, it’s… a pumped up clit! Yep! He’s a transman and he’s damn proud of it. Born as a female and now living and being 100% male. He owns what he proudly calls “A Man Pussy” and if you want to widen your sexual horizons, get his DVD and see for yourself. He had several of his transman followers volunteer to be part of his groundbreaking video so they could show themselves to the world – transman junk and all. And no, Chaz Bono is NOT in the film and I can only hope he’s seen it himself… but we’ll never know. You can check out Buck’s great website right here.
Now, as with all transgendered persons, each and every one makes their own decision as to what level of transsexualism they want to undertake. Is it merely identifying as the opposite gender? Is it taking the hormones of the opposite gender? Is it having “top” surgery (either breast augmentation as a male to female or “chest reconstruction” for a female to male which is basically a double mastectomy)? Is it having “bottom” surgery (which is perfected for males to females and done by creating a vulva with the scrotum and a vaginal lining from the external penis skin and for females to males, well, it’s not quite as a perfected art but with the right amount of testosterone and a great surgeon, there can be some impressive results: check out the images here). Is it creating their own gender which makes them more comfortable in their being and not necessarily by subscribing to this or that gender. I own a sticker that says “Fuck Your Gender!” and that can sure mean lots of different things, including “Don’t Assume!”
And of course, there’s always the group that everyone ASSUMES is the only trans type of subdivision out there… the male to female transwomen (I guess that would be the politically correct reference), or affectionately called “Trannies.” My favorite TS performer once said to me “I want to make movies but not have them called “Tranny Surprise!” or be of run-of the mill quality,” and she not only is a total babe but comes packin’ a real nice 8″ – she’s Tara Emory who also makes her SPECTACULAR costumes, too. Her videos are beautiful and resemble Andrew Blake’s finest work… hey Andrew, time to spice things up and offer beauties of a different kind….
So, I’ll sign off this blog about assumptions around gender. I know my blog is about sex toys but letting go of assumptions, whether it be the gender, sexual preference, or the marital status of your customer, just keep in mind that it’s always good to check your assumptions at the door especially in this wacky business we know and love.
And the JOTB which is fitting for this one (there’s two)….
Once, a guy was dating a beautiful Thai woman and one time after having sex, he decided to ask her why she strokes his member for hours after he’s done his business. He mustered up the courage and said “Honey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you… why is it that when we’re done having sex, you stroke my cock for as long as you do?” and she looked at him and sighed “Because I really miss mine…”
And last but not least….
Speaking of testosterone replacement (for female to male transsexuals) and estrogen replacement (which is what a lot of male to female transsexuals take), how do you make a hormone?
Don’t pay her…

Sex Toys, The Middle Ages & Other Women's Sexual Herstory

September 1, 2011/0 Comments/in Sex Toy Business, Sexual Health /by Kim Airs

Okay, by now you’re trying to remember what you learned in your sixth grade world history class for the dates between 600AD and 1500, roughly, well, gee, only 500 years ago. Or maybe you’re thinking of what kind of sex toys they had in the middle ages because this is XBIZ after all and this is my blog, Inside the Toybox by yours truly and it’s all I write about. You know, sex toys have been around since people have been having sex and I imagine it started with a rock, cucumber, potato, stick, and you get the picture.

But you know, many sex toy customers are LIVING in the middle ages! Yep! Many men and women in their mid-forties to their mid-sixties think this is the prime of their lives and since I fall into that range myself, I’m gonna put all of this in the first person. Experience and wisdom are acquired with age and I’m damn proud to say that I’ve been around the block and played the field and am one of the happiest cougars out there but that’s a whole ‘nuther blog and website.
When I opened Grand Opening! sexuality boutique in the Boston area in 1993, there were no stores that catered to women, never mind women “of a certain age” as they like to call themselves (okay, so I didn’t put that in the first person because I’m proud of my 53 years on the planet in excellent health, thankyouverymuch). So much has changed in those almost 20 years since I opened Grand Opening! and many of us baby boomers are grandparents and our sexual needs are waaaay different than those of you in your 20s (FYI – I missed the boat on childbirth because I wasn’t at the dock – I was out partying and having fun which I continue to do). Nowadays, aging men and women are more comfortable with talking about sexuality and a lot of that had to do with the birth of Viagra in 1997. ED? Before Viagra, we thought it was the name of the guy sitting at the end of the bar nursing a PBR.
So let’s jump into the education wrinkle in my middle aged noggin’ where I’ll share my knowledge of aging and sexuality, much of which I have gained in my 13 year membership in ISSWSH – the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health which I was asked to join upon its formation in 1998. This fascinating multi-disciplinary group of gynecologists, sex therapists, pelvic floor therapists, urologists and others was formed to find the Viagra for women and after all these years, no one has yet to nail it. But more on that later in another posting.

Menopause

Probably the first aspect of women’s middle age is menopause. It usually begins at age 35 (YES, 35 and I am sure many of you are shakin’ your panties about this) when female hormone production begins its many year slide into oblivion. There are other ways to experience the lovely effects of menopause earlier in life and they usually involve hysterectomy: a partial hysterectomy generally means removal of the uterus and/or fallopian tubes but leaving the estrogen-producing ovaries and cervix) or complete or radical hysterectomy which usually removes the entire reproductive system but usually leaves the vagina and sometimes the cervix in place. The reasons for hysterectomy can be plentiful: cancer of different parts of the system (ovarian, uterine, or cervical); endometriosis, which is a disease where the blood-thirsty cells of the lining of the uterus decide to take a trip around the body and swell up and spit blood out during a woman’s monthly cycle which the body reacts with a big WTF?! because those cells usually wind up where they shouldn’t be and the body automatically produces a spider’s web knot of scar tissue around the wayward critters where they land; fibroids and cysts which are a big pain in the abdomen and there are probably a few other reasons that escape me right now.
So don’t assume that you have to be middle aged to be in menopause – it can happen earlier, for sure.

Other Conditions

There are other medical conditions which impact women’s sexuality and some of them are physical such as vaginismus which is an unnatural tightening of the vagina that can be caused by vaginal dryness, atrophy from non-use which means these women don’t have or do anything penetrative (perish the thought but it DOES happen), and sometimes by trauma such as rape or incest where the emotional pain of the experience causes “shutting down” of the vagina. Of course, this is a very delicate conversation a woman would have with her therapist, partner, doctor, and, I am sure many of you are nodding about: their friendly neighborhood sex toy salesperson. Dysparuneia is another condition which translates into painful intercourse, aka fucking (damn, sometimes I get too freakin’ clinical for my own good), vulvadynia which is a painful vulva area and vulvar vestibulitis which may occur when there is inflammation and the mucous secreting glands found in the skin around the vulva. Ouch. Painful fucking is fucking painful.

Middle Aged Women & Sex Toys

Back to those middle agers…
Since my blogs have to do with sex and the many wonderful aspects of it especially in the retail arena, let’s say a middle aged woman walks into your store. It would be wise for you to give this customer some extra attention for many of the following reasons:

She probably has more disposable income than you do
She probably has more sexual experience than you do (MAYBE)
It might have taken every ounce of courage for her to step into your store instead of go on line to buy stuff
She was sent in my her gyno, shrink, partner
She’s fed up with having a shitty sex life
She’s dealing with one or more of the conditions mentioned, or
All of the above

A great way to put her at ease is to give a tour of the store and focus on sex toys that may hold some appeal to her like the more slender vibes (dysparunia), clitoral vibes (she might need a little more stimulation because of her hysterectomy), a non-vibrating sex toy (aka dildo) (vulvar vestibulitis), and, get this, a BUTT PLUG for vaginismus. Yep! The shorter size and gentle taper are perfect for this condition but you really don’t want to say “These are usually made to shove up your ass but you can put it up in your too tight pussy, too.” No, no, no, no. She needs to be gently told that the taper of these specifically shaped toys will allow her to gently expand her vagina comfortably and gradually and believe me, with your ever-expanding knowledge and her ever-expanding vag, you’ll BOTH be happy and have a satisfied and returning customer.
And don’t forget the lube. There are many varieties that work especially well and my favorite has always been ID Glide, which is thick enough not to go running off fingers, sex toys, butt plugs, whoops, vaginal expanders, etc. ID Moments is especially mildly formulated and does not contain parabens or glycerin and more on that later so it’s a great lube to recommend for your medically sensitive patients, whoops, I mean customers. Wet makes Wet Naturals which is very good, too, and there are several others on the market but that’s another blog.
Okay, I have to go relax my vagina… see you on the next blog. And I haven’t forgotten about you guys: sex toys and ED and prostate stuff so hang in there… that’ll be another blog, too.
Now here’s the JOTB…

One time, this guy working in an adult store has to go run an errand so he asks his mother to work in the store for him. She has never worked there before and he briefly tells her the prices of things then he leaves the store.
Once he comes back, he asks his mother if she made any sales. She says “Why, yes, I did! I sold the small tan dildo for $9.95, the big black dildo for $15.95 and the huge plaid dildo for $24.95!”
The blog originally appeared on XBIZ

All Rabbit vibrators are not created equal.

Rabbit Vibrators and Anatomy: Do You Know Where My Clit and G Spot Is?

August 26, 2011/0 Comments/in Sex Toy Business, Sexual Health /by Kim Airs

You know, after being in this business for over 18 years after founding Grand Opening! in 1993, I am always completely amazed by all of the gizmos and vibrators that are constantly being invented and released by companies around the world. Products to stick in any available orifice, stick on any available wet spot, slide onto any naughty bit that compels you to do so and believe me, nothing is considered sacred. Butt holes, snatches, mouths… what else is there? I haven’t seen anything to create an ear-gasm but I have a feeling it’s just a matter of time.
Because you’ve been a steady reader of my blog, you already know the different types of materials that toys are made of but that’s not my issue with this blog. My issue is this: how many manufacturers actually TEST the toys they sell? Learn how they work? How ANATOMICALLY CORRECT are they? Given my experience working for a major IMPORTER (see previous blog), I can confidently tell you that the answer is NO. They, as well as many other major manufacturer/importers, look at products to determine their sellability and that’s pretty much it.

Rabbit Vibrators

For this product testing blog, let’s focus on Rabbit vibrators…

This is where the good stuff is.

Now, what is it with the damned RABBIT vibrators that reproduce like, well rabbits. How many do we REALLY need? Anyway, looking at the several hundred that are out there, there’s only a few that are actually anatomically correct. For example, I have worked with a foreign manufacturer who was stunned when I pointed out how close the interior G Spot is to the external clitoris and I am sure this is something he was aware of whenever he had sex with his wife. This manufacturer spoke very broken English but it didn’t take too much to have him understand my hand signals showing him the position of the inside G Spot and the outside clit, while his wife was furiously nodding her head and smiling at me as if I had unleashed the Holy Grail of Female Anatomy. The toys that he designed were of the same design and thinking of so many other toys… that women always want long shafted vibrators and we ALWAYS want one of those damn rabbits on them because we ALWAYS want clitoral stimulation on our long shafted vibrators. Well, not all of us do but that’s another blog.
Let’s play Mr. Science for a moment: if you want to really experience how far the clit is from the internal G Spot, here’s something you can do as you read this. Make a claw shape with your hand, basically making the letter C with your thumb at the bottom and your fingers at the top (you can fold all the other fingers other than your index fingers for a better effect). Now, bend the first knuckle of your thumb and this is the general distance between the outside clit which is represented by the tip of your thumb and the interior G Spot which is now at the tip of your index finger. Not that far from each other, eh? Now go look at any number of those rabbit vibrators and you’ll see what I mean about how far the rabbits are from the magic G Spot stimulating twirling pearls (whether in a fixed rotation or not) or whatever the titillating, twirling, ever-amazing internal stimulation shaft gizmo that the particular toy offers.
There’s just two rabbit vibrators that I have found that actually have it right. One is not even a rabbit but a dual stimulator that is the correct shape without having that cervix pounding, too long, “a guy must have invented this” shaft. It’s made by Blush Novelties and it’s the Beau Clit Stimulating Vibrator with Dual Motors that’s waterproof, too! Now, if every toy manufacturer could base it on this perfect G Spot/clit distance, I’m sure there’d be lots more rabbits sold and a lot of them used more comfortably.
The other is the Silicone Deluxe Rabbit Pearl by Pipedream Products, which is one of my favorite toys. Here’s why it’s so great: it’s a not-too-long silicone vibrator with a section of twirling pearls that you can’t see but trust me, they’re in there. It has a rabbit, that, get this, is COMPLETELY moveable so you can put it on the shaft exactly where the rabbit will tickle your willing clit while the spinnin’ pearls are gonna hit exactly where your G Spot is. Basically, it’s a custom made rabbit just for you! (assuming you’re a woman). But wait! There’s more! (I told you this was my favorite rabbit) The rabbit has a removable small bullet vibrators in its butt so you can have the bunny vibrate or use the small, vibrating bullet on its own, too. AND THERE’S MORE! The wide silicone ring that the rabbit is on stretches and is removable and becomes a comfortable cock ring that can be used by itself for a rabbit ring! And for those of you who like stimulating yourself mano a mano, you can loop the rabbit cock ring on your index and middle fingers, stimulate your clit with the vibrating rabbit ears and find your own damn G Spot. The only drawback is that it has a not strong enough two speed motor but this rabbit makes up for that in so many ways, including the button that reverses rotating direction.
Wow… thinking of hundreds of rabbit vibrators out there is making me horny. Product testing… it’s a dirty job but I really love doing it.
Okay, this is one of my favorites for JOTB… (joke of the blog)
An elderly Jewish man comes back from an appointment and says to his wife “Sophie, da doctah tells me I got VD. Go look it up in the dictionary… I didn’t wanna ask him what it was.” Sophie returns with a huge smile on her face: she’s beaming! She says “Hymie, Hymie! You have nothing to vurry about… it only affects the Gentiles!”

What's a Nice Girl Like You Doing in the Sex Toy Business?

July 17, 2011/1,310 Comments/in Sex Toy Business /by Kim Airs

Oh the wonderful world of sex toys! I have been in this crazy business formally since 1993 but as a consumer since 1987, when I met the Smut Hound – someone that opened my world to all things sex.
Having been in a relatively boring, non-child-producing marriage for 7 1/2 years, I was ready for some action. I met the Smut Hound after dating a Swede for a year who was my first introduction to the “Hey! Sex toys are fun!” world by buying me my first vibrator.
I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it and then, as so many women do on a frisky night, I dropped the 2 C batteries in the aqua plastic cylinder (there certainly weren’t as many options for toys back in 1986), twisted the base on the hard shaft, spun the variable speed control, and the rest is history!!! No turning back after that!

How I Got in the Business of Sex Toys

So the Smut Hound and I got together after the Swede moved away and it took me no time to embrace ALL THINGS SEX. He opened the doors for porno, sex toys, public sex, crazy fucking, pornstars, Polaroids and everything else. I found my home.
Until I went to buy my sex toys at the porno store in the world famous Combat Zone of Boston. I’d go in and thoroughly entertain myself by checking out the variety of all the stuff on the walls – the packages, the names of the products (especially the porno videos!), what they looked like, what they did. I would often accompany a nervous girlfriend when she wanted to buy a vibrator and I would describe the products to her as they were hanging in the boxes on the walls. She would loudly whisper “Let’s just get one and LEAVE!” I’d bark back “Wait! You’re getting something for yourself!” and often she would just point to one and that was that. I proudly walked up to the raised counter where the cigar smoking clerk was perched and he’d always ask “Ya gonna use this together?” I’d always reply with a flat “Noooo” as I raised my middle finger in silent protest. Just let me pay for my goddamn toy.
I decided I had enough of that and had the light bulb moment hit me while attending a G Spot workshop in New York City with the goddess known as Deborah Sundahl, a G Spot teacher since the early 90’s and founder of the fantastic (and missed) hot REAL lesbian publication On Our Backs. She mentioned the only place that would host her for a G Spot chat was the gay men’s bookstore in Boston; not the two feminist bookstores – god forbid a woman talk about SEX in a feminist bookstore! I clearly said “We could use a women’s sex toy store in Boston! I could do that. I COULD DO THAT!” History starts again.
I opened Grand Opening! a year later in 1993 after leaving my high ranking administrative position at Harvard University (where many of those sex toy buying girlfriends worked). I loved owning Grand Opening! for over 12 years and decided my true passion was with teaching and learning and promoting all good things about sex – especially sex toys which is why I’m here.
So, join me on this endless journey all about sex toys… reviewing them, trying them out, sharing insights and hysterical information about this great sextoy industry, learning about things you can do with them and the related products like lubes, oils and plenty of other things. You’ll learn lots of tidbits, be entertained, learn a joke or two, and best of all, become the sex toy person you’ll ever want to be. C’mon, let’s go!
(This blog originally appeared on my blog in XBIZ.com)