Posts

4 Sex Toy Shows: ANME, XBIZ, SHE and AVN

/0 Comments/in , , , , , /by

For those of us in the adult toy industry, January kicks off the year as the crazy month, at least for those of us behind the counter. I’m dizzy with the FOUR shows within two weeks starting on Monday, that let me learn, share, buy, grow and my favorite, schmooze. ANME, XBIZ, SHE and AEE/AVN. Hold on to your seats and join me for this whirlwind schedule.
ANME, the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo, is the beginning of the series of shows on January 12 and 13. While January is considered the slower show of the two shows, the other being held in July), everyone always poses the question: “What’s new?” Ah yes, what’s new. I am sure I’ll be seeing plenty of new styles of pink rabbits, more BDSM related products because of the impending release of the hotly anticipated movie “Fifty Shades of Grey.” The printed version caused a frenzy in our industry two years ago and many of us are hoping that when people actually SEE the dominant and submissive action between the two characters, that they’re gonna run right out and buy lots and lots of equipment from us. Sportsheets is anticipating a newly minted audience rushing out to discreetly buy kits and have prepped themselves with their cleverly titled Sexperiments line, which is so new, we don’t even have them yet on the GrandOpening.com website! But check it soon! I’m sure there will be plenty more at the show and I can’t wait to see everything.
Right after ANME is the XBIZ360 show from January 13-16. It’s a really good, trade only networking and learning event that’s really good. It’s not so much booth oriented but allows plenty of time for schmoozing (my favorite!) and the learning is excellent. Even I learn a lot when I’m there (especially when I poke my head into the adult film and web masters parts of it).  It offers all the cousins in the smut family: adult film industry, the adult toy industry, the adult web industry, or in any aspect of the adult pleasure industry so it’s always fun to get together during this perverted kind of family gathering. My favorite!  XBIZ Industry Executive Awards with YOURS TRULY being nominated as Community Executive of the Year! Can’t wait for that and wish me luck! I’ve been in the biz for 22 years now and in LOTS of communities in this wacky industry I love so much. Stay tuned! I’ll let you know when I win!
And the XBIZ Awards on January 15 are gonna be so hot, it’s gonna scorch the Nokia Theatre in downtown LA! It’s gonna be great. My favorite new gizmo, Bubble Love, is nominated in a few categories so I’ll keep my fingers crossed we win!
The XBIZ 360 event runs into the SHE show which is the Sexual Health Expo, put on by XBIZ at the Sofitel Hotel in Beverly Hills on the weekend of January 17-18. It IS a consumer show and I’m sure there will be many hungry and savvy sex curious attendees wanting to attend every workshop offered. And yes, there are awards to be given out over the weekend for the top female sexual health products on the market today. Another award show, another dress, no problem!
Then it’s home for two days to catch my breath and do laundry and other shit around the house (do I buy groceries?!?) before I drive out to Vegas for the granddaddy of ’em all, the AVN show, aka the big ass porno convention that has been in existence for over 30 years. I’ve been going to it since about 1997 and it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. It’s pretty whack and it’s at the Hard Rock from January 21-24. It’s a crazy time keeping up with all the action there which covers the gamut but in a very different way from all the other shows, mixed with industry folks and a shitload of fans, which I love and drive me crazy at the same time.
And yes, there’s not one but TWO award shows during the event: the O Awards for the adult novelty products and the AVN Awards for all of the other parts of the industry (including – ADULT NOVELTIES!!). That’s two more dresses I need to get!
On Sunday, January 25, I am happy to announce that I’ll be recovering, from what, I don’t know. I’ll be driving back and will leave early enough to avid the stampede down the 15 back home to LA. Two weeks of shows that are back to back and front to front will keep me at a crazy pace and force me to drink far too many 5 Hour Energy Shots (my favorite ones being orange and grape).  I’ll have a lot to write about so as they say in Hollywood (or at least they USED to), “Stay tuned!”
Okay, I’m going to start a tradition which is one of my favorites. As you may know, I have been blogging on XBIZ for years (here’s the link) and I always write a Joke Of The Blog at the end of it, so why not here?
So here’s the first one… there will be a lot more…
Speaking of Vegas, one night a couple had angry sex. You know, the kind you get through because you want to spite your partner, and you get through it but when you’re finished, you know you’re done. After the woman had sex with her husband, she angrily pulled on her clothes, started packing her suitcase and barked “That’s it. I’m done. I’m moving to Las Vegas where I can get $300 for what I just did with you.” Her husband looked up at her and said “Ya think you can survive on $900 a year?”

FOUR Sex Toy Shows this month: ANME, XBIZ, SHE and AEE!

/0 Comments/in , , , , , /by

For those of us in the adult toy industry, January kicks off the year as the crazy month, at least for those of us behind the counter. I’m dizzy with the FOUR shows within two weeks starting on Monday, that let me learn, share, buy, grow and my favorite, schmooze. ANME, XBIZ, SHE and AEE/AVN. Hold on to your seats and join me for this whirlwind schedule.
ANME, the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo, is the beginning of the series of shows on January 12 and 13. While January is considered the slower show of the two shows, the other being held in July), everyone always poses the question: “What’s new?”
Ah yes, what’s new. I am sure I’ll be seeing plenty of new styles of pink rabbits, more BDSM related products because of the impending release of the hotly anticipated movie “Fifty Shades of Grey.” The printed version caused a frenzy in our industry two years ago and many of us are hoping that when people actually SEE the dominant and submissive action between the two characters, that they’re gonna run right out and buy lots and lots of equipment from us. Sportsheets is anticipating a newly minted audience rushing out to discreetly buy kits and have prepped themselves with their cleverly titled Sexperiments line, which is so new, we don’t even have them yet on the GrandOpening.com website! But check it soon!
I’m sure there will be plenty more at the show and I can’t wait to see everything.
Right after ANME is the XBIZ360 show from January 13-16. It’s a really good, trade only networking and learning event that’s really good. It’s not so much booth oriented but allows plenty of time for schmoozing (my favorite!) and the learning is excellent. Even I learn a lot when I’m there (especially when I poke my head into the adult film and web masters parts of it).  It offers all the cousins in the smut family: adult film industry, the adult toy industry, the adult web industry, or in any aspect of the adult pleasure industry so it’s always fun to get together during this perverted kind of family gathering. My favorite!  XBIZ Industry Executive Awards with YOURS TRULY being nominated as Community Executive of the Year! Can’t wait for that and wish me luck! I’ve been in the biz for 22 years now and in LOTS of communities in this wacky industry I love so much. Stay tuned! I’ll let you know when I win!
And the XBIZ Awards on January 15 are gonna be so hot, it’s gonna scorch the Nokia Theatre in downtown LA! It’s gonna be great. My favorite new gizmo, Bubble Love, is nominated in a few categories so I’ll keep my fingers crossed we win!
The XBIZ 360 event runs into the SHE show which is the Sexual Health Expo, put on by XBIZ at the Sofitel Hotel in Beverly Hills on the weekend of January 17-18. It IS a consumer show and I’m sure there will be many hungry and savvy sex curious attendees wanting to attend every workshop offered. And yes, there are awards to be given out over the weekend for the top female sexual health products on the market today. Another award show, another dress, no problem!
Then it’s home for two days to catch my breath and do laundry and other shit around the house (do I buy groceries?!?) before I drive out to Vegas for the granddaddy of ’em all, the AVN show, aka the big ass porno convention that has been in existence for over 30 years. I’ve been going to it since about 1997 and it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. It’s pretty whack and it’s at the Hard Rock from January 21-24. It’s a crazy time keeping up with all the action there which covers the gamut but in a very different way from all the other shows, mixed with industry folks and a shitload of fans, which I love and drive me crazy at the same time. And yes, there’s not one but TWO award shows during the event: the O Awards for the adult novelty products and the AVN Awards for all of the other parts of the industry (including – ADULT NOVELTIES!!). That’s two more dresses I need to get!
On Sunday, January 25, I am happy to announce that I’ll be recovering, from what, I don’t know. I’ll be driving back and will leave early enough to avid the stampede down the 15 back home to LA. Two weeks of shows that are back to back and front to front will keep me at a crazy pace and force me to drink far too many 5 Hour Energy Shots (my favorite ones being orange and grape).  I’ll have a lot to write about so as they say in Hollywood (or at least they USED to), “Stay tuned!”
Okay, I’m going to start a tradition which is one of my favorites. As you may know, I have been blogging on XBIZ for years (here’s the link) and I always write a Joke Of The Blog at the end of it, so why not here? So here’s the first one… there will be a lot more…
Speaking of Vegas, one night a couple had angry sex. You know, the kind you get through because you want to spite your partner, and you get through it but when you’re finished, you know you’re done.
After the woman had sex with her husband, she angrily pulled on her clothes, started packing her suitcase and barked “That’s it. I’m done. I’m moving to Las Vegas where I can get $300 for what I just did with you.”
Her husband looked up at her and said “Ya think you can survive on $900 a year?”

types of vibrators

Types of Vibrators: Which One’s Right for Me?

/0 Comments/in /by

There are a ton of vibrators out there. Literally and figuratively. I’ve never gone so far as to actually weigh vibrators or get an estimate of how much all the vibrators in the world weigh. That just doesn’t seem like a fruitful use of my time. Still, there are many different types of vibrators available now (with more and more hitting the market each day) so it’s natural if you feel a bit confused when you first start your search for your go-to vibe.

types of vibrators

Most vibrators have more settings than this.
Source: James Cridland


That’s why I’ve put together this little post to break down the different types of vibrators out there, the types of stimulation they offer, and their various shapes and sizes.

Standard Vibrators

Also known as traditional vibrators, these are your typical, everyday vibe that’ll get the job done. It doesn’t offer anything fancy, so don’t expect anything other than plastic and average length and width. The vibrating options can be varied though and that’s usually enough to turn a basic toy into a favorite. You’ll need to stock up on your AA batteries for C cell’s to keep these babies humming.

Bullet Vibes

These vibrators are small and compact, meaning they can easily slip into your carryon without much notice. They’re plastic or aluminum, feature several different vibration settings, and can be used all over the body including on the nipples, clitoris, and vulva. Or, let him have a go: they provide excellent scrotal stimulation.

Rabbit Vibrators

The good ‘ol rabbit. These vibrators are designed to hit all of your hot spots at once. They feature a rotating shaft that stimulates the G-spot and the vaginal walls and an attachment with bunny ears or something similar that stimulates the clitoris. Don’t be surprised if you come across rabbit vibrators that look nothing like the original, however. They’ve come a long way, baby!

G-Spot Vibes

G-Spot vibrators are, as you might have guessed, made to stimulate the G-Spot. Their most identifying feature is a curve or “hooked” head. They’re made from many different materials from plastic to silicone to jelly.

Looks Like The Real Thing

These vibrators are highly realistic and designed to look like a real penis, veins and all! They’re usually made out of a softer material like silicone or rubber and feature many different vibration strengths and speeds.

Couples Vibes

Who says vibrating fun is only to be had solo? There are many different toys for couples available that can enhance your experience together from hands-free to vibrating cock rings to vibrators you wear on your fingers. The list goes on and on! All I know is it’s fun to open up a new toy and have a willing partner to try it out with.

The Unclassifiable

Sometimes vibrators just don’t fall into any specific category. They might feature several speed and strength settings. They may be phallic; they may not. They come in funky shapes, sizes, and designs. You could probably leave some of these toys out on your desk and no one would know they were vibrators! Still, the different shapes and contours can make for new pleasurable experiences.
Now that you know the different types of vibrators available, you can get to shopping! Remember to include your partner, if you can. He or she will likely want a say in gizmos you bring to the bedroom.

Sex toys are tricky when your wrist is broken.

The Trouble with Sex Toys for the (Temporarily) Disabled

/0 Comments/in /by

Here I am – now among the ranks of the (temporarily) disabled community. I banked into a wall during a workout and tried to break my fall with my left wrist which resulted in, well, breaking my left wrist. Getting thrust into this realm makes me think about using sex toys when you’re unable to fully grasp them, never mind successfully using personal lubricant without having it dribble into my cast. Hmmm… gives me pause and makes me think about the people that have permanent disabilities and how they can successfully and pleasurably use the gizmos in our crazy business.

What Sex Toys Should I Use?

Sex toys are tricky when your wrist is broken.
Looking at my grandopening.com website, which is chock full of pretty much anything you could ever want and need in the world of sex toys, I am now thinking about what vibrator has a cap at the base that I can twist with one hand (I have no gripping ability), what lube doesn’t have a silvery, stuck on seal that I can’t grasp, have lingerie I can slip in because even though I have a wad of fiberglas encircling my forearm that twirls down to the top of my knuckles and yet still feel sexy. And of course, there’s the other things I love to do, cast be damned!
So let’s see… in order to feel sexy, I might just light up one of those super sensuous massage candles available. You know, the ones made with soy oil that burn at a low temperature which allows me to dribble the oil all over my willing partner. Let’s see… oh look! They have a kind of pop top cap that MAYBE I can take off with one hand but they also have a plastic seal around the edge which does make it a little trickier to open, if at all. How about a pull off ring on the top so I can manage it with one hand? It might look a little cheesy but I’m disabled, you know. Hallelujah! Here’s the BSwish massage candle in a very sexy, open container that I can not only light easily but can grasp pretty easily, too, perhaps even with my casted arm.
Now about that lighter I need to light the candle. I think I’d either burn the house down or cause third degree burns if I tried to handle a lighter or matches right now. I think I’ll use my long charcoal bar-be-que lighter that I can easily wrangle with one hand that throws flames further than my almost-casted fingers.
On to the lingerie. Have to look good while using the sex toys, right? Since I can’t use something with long sleeves because it would probably snag at my elbow, how about slipping into something sexy with no zippers, buttons, snaps or eyelets that I have found are virtually impossible to use right now? Let’s see… Here’s a long schmata although the picture doesn’t show me what the back of it looks like.. hopefully it won’t have those aforementioned clothing closings which cause me so much temporary grief. And fortunately, I can shimmy into (and out of) that G string…
Okay, so the soy candle is lit, the lingerie is on (and it fits over my cast! Woohoo! It amazes me about what gets me excited now!), and now it’s time for the pleasure of toys… let’s see what I grab.
First, I always start with lube which I have always said and will always say, is the numero uno sex toy that everyone should have and use, disability be damned! So let’s look at some…
You know the caps that lots of lube companies use? The caps can sometimes be easy to flip open with one hand which is extra nice when you’re doing something else with sex toys with your hand, but about that pesky foil seal. Now I know that companies use them to ensure purity for the product inside, which is understandable but when you aren’t able to grasp the teeny tiny foil tabbie things on the seal, well, you’re SOL. What to do? Simple! Grab a pump bottle of lube instead! The pump assures you there will be no obstacle-inducing foil seals inside. The pumps go all the way to the bottom of the bottle so if I happen to tip the bottle in a wacky angle, it will probably work just fine. Thank goodness I already have this life-saving bottle of I-D lube at the ready. Pump size, natch.
As for sex toys, if it’s a solo flight, a dildo is a pretty safe bet. Easy to grab and hold on to, there are more dildos out there than I can shake a vagina at. Glass, silicone, or metal, they’ll always do the trick without leaving me frustrated that I can’t put batteries in the shaft ‘cuz for the most part, they ain’t made to do so.
Well, let’s say I want to visit vibrator land… there’s always the trusty silver bullet vibe and the standard one with the attached battery case cover, you know, the ones that take 2 AA batteries, that will let me open it with one hand. Never gave it much thought but now I sure do. The Ultra Bullet Power Vibe from Nasstoys is long enough to use on the outside or slip into the inside… just they way, uh huh uh huh, I like it…
Now if I want to use something other than the silver bullet in the land of sex toys, that might be a little trickier. The Evolved rolling speed control on their Roulette collection of vibrators might be easy to use in my frisky, disabled moments. Looking at the video which accompanies many of the products on the grandopening.com website, it shows me how to put the batteries in which helps me determine what I would need to do in order to successfully grasp the willing silicone vibe. Hmmm. Looks like I’d have to shove the shaft near my armpit to give it my newly learned upper bicep death grip which is what I use to open mayonnaise jars right now. If I can handle a 30 oz., 4 inch wide jar of Helman’s Light Mayo, a silicone vibe should be no problem. And the rolling speed control on the base will eliminate any twisting of my only other functional wrist and I’ll be careful not to use Helman’s as my lube.
Yes, I’m sure you’re all wondering about the other popular vibe out there. I know I can always grab the trusty Hitachi Magic Wand but if it slips away from my single, right handed grasp and falls onto my hardened left forearm, that could be a little ouchy, resulting in a quick sucking down of a Vicodin. Better leave the Hitachi to massage my aching shoulders instead.
Okay, enough about me. How about you, my dear lovers? I mean, what better way to increase blood circulation into my ailing appendage than to take things into my own hands and have some fun, mano a mano sexual relations with one-handed sex toys?
Well, being Trysexual (“I’ll try anything sexual”), there might be times I’m with a male buddy and want to do the ol’ hand jive. But wait! Sliding up and down with a wad of fiberglas in my fist is not my definition of a good time and most likely not his either! What to do? I think it’s time to use one of those hand-y hand job assistants, pocket pussies as they were, and use that with the assistance of my right hand and loose lips. A lightweight one would decrease the risk of creating muscle weakness in my one strong wrist so I better go with the Nasswalk Better Than Real Skin Pussy – Jessica (I’ll rename it Kim) because the Fleshlight is a tad bulky right now and I can’t crack open the Tenga Egg with a cast. Maybe smash it but it would wreck the feng shui of the moment.
Now, if it’s someone that delights in the sensation of being on the receiving end, aka pegging and those sorts of things, the easiest harness to use when you’re the one handed wonder is the ever-popular RodeoH harness, a simple to use, shimmy into pair of tighty whiteys that happen to have an easy-to-access harness ring built into the front. This makes for no pesky straps that I’d have to loop around a doorknob to tighten before the action starts. That would NOT be a pretty sight nor would I consider it foreplay (although some people I know would). All I need to do is pop an aforementioned dildo in place and presto! Cast be damned! I’m having a good time with my sex toys!
And you know what? I decided I am no longer telling people I crashed into a wall during a workout. It just doesn’t sound sexy enough so when people ask how I broke my wrist, I’m going to tell them I did it masturbating.
Ah yes, if only it were true.
JOTB:
If a stork brings white babies and a blackbird brings black babies, what bird brings NO babies?
A swallow.
Once a manager in a company had to let go of one of his employees, either Jack or Mary. He couldn’t decide who so he thought he would wait to see who would go up to the water cooler first.
He waited, then Mary went up to the water cooler to take two aspirin. He went up to Mary and said “Mary, I have a problem. I don’t know whether to lay you or Jack off.” She looked at him and said “You better jack off. I have a headache.”

TONIGHT and this WEEKEND! "Kim Airs' Sex Toy Home Party!" Show in Hollywood!

/0 Comments/in /by

Yessirree! It’s THIS WEEKEND – Oct. 7-8-9 at the Elephant Theatre in Hollywood! “Kim Airs’ Home Sex Toy Party!” – my wacky send up of sex toy home parties that’s a real sex toy home party, too! Tix and info available here at Plays411.com

Kim Airs' Sex toy party this weekend

I love my toys!


Get your tickets today!!
Kim Airs’ Home Sex Toy Party!

Kim Airs' Sex toy party this weekend

"Kim Airs' Home Sex Toy Party!" show in Hollywood, Oct. 7-8-9

/941 Comments/in /by

In the spirit of information sharing, I am going to take a moment to shamelessly plug my long-awaited one woman show that is being staged in the lovely and intimate Elephant Theatre on Santa Monica Blvd. in Hollywood on Oct. 7-8-9. It’s “Kim Airs’ Home Sex Toy Party!” and it will go where no sex toy party has gone before. I mean, when was the last time you saw a rubber fist being presented at a bachelorette party that didn’t belong to the hostess? With the same audience participation theme as “Tony and Tina’s Wedding,” I’ll be presenting the wild and wacky side of the adult toy biz with lots of funny personal anecdotes and products that are available from my website www.GrandOpening.com. It’s Carrot Top, Lucille Ball, Martha Stewart and Dr. Ruth all rolled into one and if you’re in Southern California, I’d love it for you to be there. Lots of prizes and goodies for everyone!

Show Details

Kim Airs' Sex toy party this weekend

I love my toys!


Tickets are only $15 – go to www.Plays411.com for tickets. And here’s the video! Kim Airs’ Home Sex Toy Party!
And I couldn’t do the show without the help from a whole bunch of companies in the adult toy biz who not only make wonderful products but are also my friends, too. They are Pipedream Products, Nasstoys, Doc Johnson, Topco, California Exotic Novelties, Westridge Labs/ID Lube, Earthly Body, RodeoH, XBIZ, Sportsheets, El Dorado, and Williams Trading. I offer them my sincere thanks for their support for the show.

Sex Toys, The Middle Ages & Other Women's Sexual Herstory

/0 Comments/in , /by

Okay, by now you’re trying to remember what you learned in your sixth grade world history class for the dates between 600AD and 1500, roughly, well, gee, only 500 years ago. Or maybe you’re thinking of what kind of sex toys they had in the middle ages because this is XBIZ after all and this is my blog, Inside the Toybox by yours truly and it’s all I write about. You know, sex toys have been around since people have been having sex and I imagine it started with a rock, cucumber, potato, stick, and you get the picture.
Sex toys through the ages
But you know, many sex toy customers are LIVING in the middle ages! Yep! Many men and women in their mid-forties to their mid-sixties think this is the prime of their lives and since I fall into that range myself, I’m gonna put all of this in the first person. Experience and wisdom are acquired with age and I’m damn proud to say that I’ve been around the block and played the field and am one of the happiest cougars out there but that’s a whole ‘nuther blog and website.
When I opened Grand Opening! sexuality boutique in the Boston area in 1993, there were no stores that catered to women, never mind women “of a certain age” as they like to call themselves (okay, so I didn’t put that in the first person because I’m proud of my 53 years on the planet in excellent health, thankyouverymuch). So much has changed in those almost 20 years since I opened Grand Opening! and many of us baby boomers are grandparents and our sexual needs are waaaay different than those of you in your 20s (FYI – I missed the boat on childbirth because I wasn’t at the dock – I was out partying and having fun which I continue to do). Nowadays, aging men and women are more comfortable with talking about sexuality and a lot of that had to do with the birth of Viagra in 1997. ED? Before Viagra, we thought it was the name of the guy sitting at the end of the bar nursing a PBR.
So let’s jump into the education wrinkle in my middle aged noggin’ where I’ll share my knowledge of aging and sexuality, much of which I have gained in my 13 year membership in ISSWSH – the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health which I was asked to join upon its formation in 1998. This fascinating multi-disciplinary group of gynecologists, sex therapists, pelvic floor therapists, urologists and others was formed to find the Viagra for women and after all these years, no one has yet to nail it. But more on that later in another posting.

Menopause

Probably the first aspect of women’s middle age is menopause. It usually begins at age 35 (YES, 35 and I am sure many of you are shakin’ your panties about this) when female hormone production begins its many year slide into oblivion. There are other ways to experience the lovely effects of menopause earlier in life and they usually involve hysterectomy: a partial hysterectomy generally means removal of the uterus and/or fallopian tubes but leaving the estrogen-producing ovaries and cervix) or complete or radical hysterectomy which usually removes the entire reproductive system but usually leaves the vagina and sometimes the cervix in place. The reasons for hysterectomy can be plentiful: cancer of different parts of the system (ovarian, uterine, or cervical); endometriosis, which is a disease where the blood-thirsty cells of the lining of the uterus decide to take a trip around the body and swell up and spit blood out during a woman’s monthly cycle which the body reacts with a big WTF?! because those cells usually wind up where they shouldn’t be and the body automatically produces a spider’s web knot of scar tissue around the wayward critters where they land; fibroids and cysts which are a big pain in the abdomen and there are probably a few other reasons that escape me right now.
So don’t assume that you have to be middle aged to be in menopause – it can happen earlier, for sure.

Other Conditions

There are other medical conditions which impact women’s sexuality and some of them are physical such as vaginismus which is an unnatural tightening of the vagina that can be caused by vaginal dryness, atrophy from non-use which means these women don’t have or do anything penetrative (perish the thought but it DOES happen), and sometimes by trauma such as rape or incest where the emotional pain of the experience causes “shutting down” of the vagina. Of course, this is a very delicate conversation a woman would have with her therapist, partner, doctor, and, I am sure many of you are nodding about: their friendly neighborhood sex toy salesperson. Dysparuneia is another condition which translates into painful intercourse, aka fucking (damn, sometimes I get too freakin’ clinical for my own good), vulvadynia which is a painful vulva area and vulvar vestibulitis which may occur when there is inflammation and the mucous secreting glands found in the skin around the vulva. Ouch. Painful fucking is fucking painful.

Middle Aged Women & Sex Toys

Back to those middle agers…
Since my blogs have to do with sex and the many wonderful aspects of it especially in the retail arena, let’s say a middle aged woman walks into your store. It would be wise for you to give this customer some extra attention for many of the following reasons:

  1. She probably has more disposable income than you do
  2. She probably has more sexual experience than you do (MAYBE)
  3. It might have taken every ounce of courage for her to step into your store instead of go on line to buy stuff
  4. She was sent in my her gyno, shrink, partner
  5. She’s fed up with having a shitty sex life
  6. She’s dealing with one or more of the conditions mentioned, or
  7. All of the above

A great way to put her at ease is to give a tour of the store and focus on sex toys that may hold some appeal to her like the more slender vibes (dysparunia), clitoral vibes (she might need a little more stimulation because of her hysterectomy), a non-vibrating sex toy (aka dildo) (vulvar vestibulitis), and, get this, a BUTT PLUG for vaginismus. Yep! The shorter size and gentle taper are perfect for this condition but you really don’t want to say “These are usually made to shove up your ass but you can put it up in your too tight pussy, too.” No, no, no, no. She needs to be gently told that the taper of these specifically shaped toys will allow her to gently expand her vagina comfortably and gradually and believe me, with your ever-expanding knowledge and her ever-expanding vag, you’ll BOTH be happy and have a satisfied and returning customer.
And don’t forget the lube. There are many varieties that work especially well and my favorite has always been ID Glide, which is thick enough not to go running off fingers, sex toys, butt plugs, whoops, vaginal expanders, etc. ID Moments is especially mildly formulated and does not contain parabens or glycerin and more on that later so it’s a great lube to recommend for your medically sensitive patients, whoops, I mean customers. Wet makes Wet Naturals which is very good, too, and there are several others on the market but that’s another blog.
Okay, I have to go relax my vagina… see you on the next blog. And I haven’t forgotten about you guys: sex toys and ED and prostate stuff so hang in there… that’ll be another blog, too.
Now here’s the JOTB…

One time, this guy working in an adult store has to go run an errand so he asks his mother to work in the store for him. She has never worked there before and he briefly tells her the prices of things then he leaves the store.
Once he comes back, he asks his mother if she made any sales. She says “Why, yes, I did! I sold the small tan dildo for $9.95, the big black dildo for $15.95 and the huge plaid dildo for $24.95!”
The blog originally appeared on XBIZ

All Rabbit vibrators are not created equal.

Rabbit Vibrators and Anatomy: Do You Know Where My Clit and G Spot Is?

/0 Comments/in , /by

You know, after being in this business for over 18 years after founding Grand Opening! in 1993, I am always completely amazed by all of the gizmos and vibrators that are constantly being invented and released by companies around the world. Products to stick in any available orifice, stick on any available wet spot, slide onto any naughty bit that compels you to do so and believe me, nothing is considered sacred. Butt holes, snatches, mouths… what else is there? I haven’t seen anything to create an ear-gasm but I have a feeling it’s just a matter of time.
Because you’ve been a steady reader of my blog, you already know the different types of materials that toys are made of but that’s not my issue with this blog. My issue is this: how many manufacturers actually TEST the toys they sell? Learn how they work? How ANATOMICALLY CORRECT are they? Given my experience working for a major IMPORTER (see previous blog), I can confidently tell you that the answer is NO. They, as well as many other major manufacturer/importers, look at products to determine their sellability and that’s pretty much it.

Rabbit Vibrators

For this product testing blog, let’s focus on Rabbit vibrators…

All Rabbit vibrators are not created equal.

This is where the good stuff is.


Now, what is it with the damned RABBIT vibrators that reproduce like, well rabbits. How many do we REALLY need? Anyway, looking at the several hundred that are out there, there’s only a few that are actually anatomically correct. For example, I have worked with a foreign manufacturer who was stunned when I pointed out how close the interior G Spot is to the external clitoris and I am sure this is something he was aware of whenever he had sex with his wife. This manufacturer spoke very broken English but it didn’t take too much to have him understand my hand signals showing him the position of the inside G Spot and the outside clit, while his wife was furiously nodding her head and smiling at me as if I had unleashed the Holy Grail of Female Anatomy. The toys that he designed were of the same design and thinking of so many other toys… that women always want long shafted vibrators and we ALWAYS want one of those damn rabbits on them because we ALWAYS want clitoral stimulation on our long shafted vibrators. Well, not all of us do but that’s another blog.
Let’s play Mr. Science for a moment: if you want to really experience how far the clit is from the internal G Spot, here’s something you can do as you read this. Make a claw shape with your hand, basically making the letter C with your thumb at the bottom and your fingers at the top (you can fold all the other fingers other than your index fingers for a better effect). Now, bend the first knuckle of your thumb and this is the general distance between the outside clit which is represented by the tip of your thumb and the interior G Spot which is now at the tip of your index finger. Not that far from each other, eh? Now go look at any number of those rabbit vibrators and you’ll see what I mean about how far the rabbits are from the magic G Spot stimulating twirling pearls (whether in a fixed rotation or not) or whatever the titillating, twirling, ever-amazing internal stimulation shaft gizmo that the particular toy offers.
There’s just two rabbit vibrators that I have found that actually have it right. One is not even a rabbit but a dual stimulator that is the correct shape without having that cervix pounding, too long, “a guy must have invented this” shaft. It’s made by Blush Novelties and it’s the Beau Clit Stimulating Vibrator with Dual Motors that’s waterproof, too! Now, if every toy manufacturer could base it on this perfect G Spot/clit distance, I’m sure there’d be lots more rabbits sold and a lot of them used more comfortably.
The other is the Silicone Deluxe Rabbit Pearl by Pipedream Products, which is one of my favorite toys. Here’s why it’s so great: it’s a not-too-long silicone vibrator with a section of twirling pearls that you can’t see but trust me, they’re in there. It has a rabbit, that, get this, is COMPLETELY moveable so you can put it on the shaft exactly where the rabbit will tickle your willing clit while the spinnin’ pearls are gonna hit exactly where your G Spot is. Basically, it’s a custom made rabbit just for you! (assuming you’re a woman). But wait! There’s more! (I told you this was my favorite rabbit) The rabbit has a removable small bullet vibrators in its butt so you can have the bunny vibrate or use the small, vibrating bullet on its own, too. AND THERE’S MORE! The wide silicone ring that the rabbit is on stretches and is removable and becomes a comfortable cock ring that can be used by itself for a rabbit ring! And for those of you who like stimulating yourself mano a mano, you can loop the rabbit cock ring on your index and middle fingers, stimulate your clit with the vibrating rabbit ears and find your own damn G Spot. The only drawback is that it has a not strong enough two speed motor but this rabbit makes up for that in so many ways, including the button that reverses rotating direction.
Wow… thinking of hundreds of rabbit vibrators out there is making me horny. Product testing… it’s a dirty job but I really love doing it.
Okay, this is one of my favorites for JOTB… (joke of the blog)
An elderly Jewish man comes back from an appointment and says to his wife “Sophie, da doctah tells me I got VD. Go look it up in the dictionary… I didn’t wanna ask him what it was.” Sophie returns with a huge smile on her face: she’s beaming! She says “Hymie, Hymie! You have nothing to vurry about… it only affects the Gentiles!”

Sex Toy News & What's Up With the "Sold As a Novelty Only" Line?

/0 Comments/in /by

Hey Word Press readers! This blog was written during the two adult sex toy industry trade shows and this has info about them as well as FANTASTIC information about sex toys, aka “novelties.” This is a really good blog, if I do say so myself!
Well, what a crazy few weeks it’s been here in Grand Opening!’s Sex Toy World! As you know, there were two back-to-back shows (“Can’t we just all get along?”) and the usual gossip between the two shows, none of which I’ll go into here (or anywhere else for that matter). The two shows presented many different products: at ANE – anything from college team colored and packaged vibrators sold in a booth complete with a taligatin’ electric powered hot dog griller (Sporty Vibe) to an electric zapping, vibrating, inflatable, internal, and the “don’t forget we have to put a rabbit on it to sell” vibe (Cal Exotics) at ANME (aka “The Founders Show”). Parties were great at both places, attendance a little more at one than the other but I won’t tell you which had what. As for location, for the ANE show, it was a little odd to be selling vibrators and dildos, masturbators and nipple clamps a few steps away from twirling juvenile ice skaters at the Pasadena Skate Center and I found myself tiptoeing daily into the rink after the show just to balance the smut and purity brainwaves in my overloaded cranium. I think that worked.
Now I could write about all the new sex toy goodies available at the show but for those of you who aren’t that familiar with how these shows work, it’s basically that they are the big Kahuna shows of the entire year and all of the companies race to have their products at least SHOWN at them but not necessarily have them in stock and available when you saunter into their booths.
You know, it’s funny, because I refer to the companies at the show as Manufacturers (and it’s also included in the official name of The Founders Show, ANME – which is the Adult Novelty MANUFACTURERS Expo) but why is it that most of them say “Oh, we got our samples in from CHINA just in time for the show.” Now wouldn’t that make them more appropriately called the Adult Novelty IMPORTERS Show? That would then make them A-NIS and I guess no one wants to say that out loud in public, even in this business.
And why are they constantly being called Novelties?

On Novelties in the Sex Toy Biz

Well, to tell you the truth, here’s why (this is why I love to blog AND have ADD because I never know where my scribblings are going to go but I can tell ya that you’ll always learn something)…
While I am not sure of the EXACT time and place they were starting to be called “novelties,” I can sure guess (I’ll update this blog when I get a definitive answer).
Not sure if my wonderful readers have ever heard of this book, but there is a fascinating history of vibrators by the technology historian, Rachel Maines of Cornell University, who was kind enough to take the time and answer my inquiry about the history of the term “novelties” as it has to do with sex toys. The book is The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria,” the Vibrator and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction (Baltimore MD: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1998) and if you’re a sex toy geek like me, this book is already on your shelf. If not, get it and become the smartypants sex toy retailer you’ve always wanted to be.
Anyhoo, what she sent me is her deposition about vibrators that was used in Alabama’s case against my pal Sherri Williams, where Alabama said it was illegal to sell sex toys and went after Sherri and her store. The case, if you’re not aware, went all the way to the Supreme Court (yes, THAT Supreme Court) where the justices didn’t want to touch ANYTHING about sex toys and vibrators and threw it back to the state to decide. I’m not sure where it stands right now but that’s another blog.
So, you lucky readers, here’s the link to her 44 page deposition which is incredibly interesting to read: Rachel Maines vibrator deposition. Download it, print it out and put this on the break table at the store where you work. You’ll be amazed and thanks, Rachel, for your generosity.
Now back to your regularly scheduled blog….
I’d say they were called novelties in order to not call them vibrators and it was probably in the 50’s. Again, just guessing… but why are they continued to be called “novelties”? Aren’t novelties something you get at the end freezer case in the ice cream aisle in the supermarket? Aren’t novelties something you hand out at a 3 year old’s birthday party? Aren’t they something you get when you order a MickeyD’s Happy Meal? Hey! What a marketing idea for McDonald’s! An ADULT Happy Meal! Get a free novelty when you eat your Happy Meal consisting of something you probably can’t order at McDonald’s!
Okay, back to that pesky novelty issue. Here’s the answer you’ve been waiting for and another tidbit. Ya ready? Today they are called novelties in order to skirt FDA approval at the docks! Yep! FDA says if it’s a “novelty only” then it’s not meant for insertion and therefore doesn’t need to be tested for purity and contents. “Gee, they’re really NOVELTIES,” the importers can say. “We don’t need no schtinking FDA approval!” So that’s the reason why, in the teeny tiny little print on the bottom of the box and bottles, it reads “Sold As A Novelty Only.” I won’t even go into the veil many companies hide behind when it comes to quality… don’t get me started.
I will say, though, that one of my favorite companies, Vibratex, has NEVER sold a product that states its a novelty because they have always stood behind the quality of their Japanese made products. Yes, sometimes their shipments are held at customs but the tradeoff for quality is worth it for them. They also have the ol’ reliable Hitachi Magic Wand in their ranks, too, which has NEVER been an adult novelty, just created for those “hard-to-reach-places” like the middle of your gams.
And what’s up with another statement used on adult NOVELTY packaging? You know the one “Do not use on unexplained calf pain.” Okay, now that’s NOT about Uncle Billy’s heifer in distress on the farm… noooo…. ya ready for this one, too? Here goes: all those vibrator manufacturers don’t want you to use them on your calves in case you have an undiagnosed blood clot in your legs, in which case, a vibrator could dislodge it and it may wind up in your heart leading to a heart attack or up to your brain, leading to a stroke. Pretty cool, huh? About the vibrators, I mean… not the strokes.
Okay, so back to the shows. I’ll let you know when my favorite sex toy picks from the show become available to the market in the next few weeks and months, or, in other words, when my ship comes in loaded with sex toys from the major IMPORTERS. I’ll meet you at the dock…
And this JOTB (joke of the blog) is a good one:
Once this kid goes to the pharmacist to buy condoms for the first time. The pharmacist asks “How many do you want?” The kid nervously responds “Um, a dollar’s worth.” The pharmacist rings it up and states “That’s a dollar, ten.” The kid asks “What’s the ten cents for?” The pharmacist answers “It’s for the tax.” “Ooooh!” the kid says, “I wondered how you kept them on.”
This blog originally appeared on XBIZ.com

How To Buy A Vibrator – A Primer for Selling to the First Timer

/0 Comments/in /by

how to buy a vibrator

Oh dear.
Source: jackace


We’ve all had a first time… first time love, first time sex (“You NEVER forget the first person you have sex with” I always tell my virgin listeners and I am sure, right now, you are all flashing upon who that person was for you), and, for many of us, you remember getting your first sex toy or vibrator.
If you’re a retailer of these fabulous gizmos, you know you can be the person who changes lives forever for your customer by making the purchase of a first time toy a comfortable, memorable experience. I know this first hand. When I opened Grand Opening! in 1993, I didn’t realize that creating a comfortable space and my love and enthusiasm of vibrators and sex toys would have such an impact on my customers. To this day, I have customers come up to me and say “I bought my first vibrator from you and I’ll never forget the experience. Now I have lots of them!” Kinda like lovers, I think!

Selling a Vibrator, Step By Step

So how do you make that memorable experience in your own store? First, create a comfortable space that’s inviting for EVERYONE, men, women (okay, maybe not children), for all sexual orientations, etc. (that’s a whole ‘nother posting for a whole ‘nother time).
Let’s say your customer is a woman who is visiting an adult store for the first time (yes, there are plenty of women out there like this) looking to get her first vibrator or sextoy and has no clue what she’s looking for. Your customer approach should be friendly and supportive while guiding her to make her OWN choice. That’s important! How to go about this? Preface your questions like this: “I’m going to ask you a few questions that you don’t have to tell me your answers but just think about them… What kind of stimulation do you prefer? Inside? Outside? Either? Both? Not sure?” You’ll see her thinking and sometime she’ll share her information with you. Continue with “If it’s outside, then a clitoral vibe will be good, like these bullet vibrators. If it’s internal, then these types of vibrators would work such as the popular G Spot vibes or the more “traditionally shaped vibrators.” They can also be used externally if you’re not sure which kind to get OR if you like both internal and external stimulation ‘cuz you’ll never know what’s on the menu on different nights! Also, if you just want the sensation of feeling full, dildos are great for that. Something to keep in mind is that a vibrator can be a dildo by just not turning it on, but a dildo usually can’t be a vibrator, although there are many out there where you can take out the vibrator such as the Tantus line of silicone toys.” Sometimes, she won’t know what size to reference and I always mention “Think of a lover you’ve had and what size made you happy…” (Notice no gender preference there? No “what size was he?” type of thing because you never know what someone’s preference is when they walk into the door).
Now this is probably THE most important thing to mention when someone is choosing ANY toy. I always say THE most important factor when buying a toy is to tell your customer GET WHAT APPEALS TO YOU VISUALLY. It’s kind of like food: if you don’t like what the food looks like, you probably won’t want to eat it. Your friends might say “The Rabbit is my favorite toy” but if you’re thinking that it might be too big or the gizmo looks like it’s going to do too many things, then DON’T GET IT. It will only sit in a drawer and collect cat hair on it. By finding a toy that agrees with your eyes, it means that your body is agreeing to it too, since it will ultimately be your body using it. Your customer will be grateful for this information and guidance.
So use these tips in your brick and mortar store or if a friend asks you how to buy a vibrator or dildo. It works!
Okay, and on another front… in case you missed it, here’s some good info about the ongoing “battle” between LA County health officials and those of us in the adult industry. Here’s the full XBIZ report: The dirt…
And here’s the JOTB: A woman goes to the produce department in a grocery store and picks up a cucumber. The clerk comes up to her while she picks one out and says “Oh, those are 75¢ each and two for $1.00.” “Hmmm…” she says as she grabs a second, “I guess I could eat the other one.”
This blog originally appeared on my blog on XBIZ.com