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4 Sex Toy Shows: ANME, XBIZ, SHE and AVN

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For those of us in the adult toy industry, January kicks off the year as the crazy month, at least for those of us behind the counter. I’m dizzy with the FOUR shows within two weeks starting on Monday, that let me learn, share, buy, grow and my favorite, schmooze. ANME, XBIZ, SHE and AEE/AVN. Hold on to your seats and join me for this whirlwind schedule.
ANME, the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo, is the beginning of the series of shows on January 12 and 13. While January is considered the slower show of the two shows, the other being held in July), everyone always poses the question: “What’s new?” Ah yes, what’s new. I am sure I’ll be seeing plenty of new styles of pink rabbits, more BDSM related products because of the impending release of the hotly anticipated movie “Fifty Shades of Grey.” The printed version caused a frenzy in our industry two years ago and many of us are hoping that when people actually SEE the dominant and submissive action between the two characters, that they’re gonna run right out and buy lots and lots of equipment from us. Sportsheets is anticipating a newly minted audience rushing out to discreetly buy kits and have prepped themselves with their cleverly titled Sexperiments line, which is so new, we don’t even have them yet on the GrandOpening.com website! But check it soon! I’m sure there will be plenty more at the show and I can’t wait to see everything.
Right after ANME is the XBIZ360 show from January 13-16. It’s a really good, trade only networking and learning event that’s really good. It’s not so much booth oriented but allows plenty of time for schmoozing (my favorite!) and the learning is excellent. Even I learn a lot when I’m there (especially when I poke my head into the adult film and web masters parts of it).  It offers all the cousins in the smut family: adult film industry, the adult toy industry, the adult web industry, or in any aspect of the adult pleasure industry so it’s always fun to get together during this perverted kind of family gathering. My favorite!  XBIZ Industry Executive Awards with YOURS TRULY being nominated as Community Executive of the Year! Can’t wait for that and wish me luck! I’ve been in the biz for 22 years now and in LOTS of communities in this wacky industry I love so much. Stay tuned! I’ll let you know when I win!
And the XBIZ Awards on January 15 are gonna be so hot, it’s gonna scorch the Nokia Theatre in downtown LA! It’s gonna be great. My favorite new gizmo, Bubble Love, is nominated in a few categories so I’ll keep my fingers crossed we win!
The XBIZ 360 event runs into the SHE show which is the Sexual Health Expo, put on by XBIZ at the Sofitel Hotel in Beverly Hills on the weekend of January 17-18. It IS a consumer show and I’m sure there will be many hungry and savvy sex curious attendees wanting to attend every workshop offered. And yes, there are awards to be given out over the weekend for the top female sexual health products on the market today. Another award show, another dress, no problem!
Then it’s home for two days to catch my breath and do laundry and other shit around the house (do I buy groceries?!?) before I drive out to Vegas for the granddaddy of ’em all, the AVN show, aka the big ass porno convention that has been in existence for over 30 years. I’ve been going to it since about 1997 and it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. It’s pretty whack and it’s at the Hard Rock from January 21-24. It’s a crazy time keeping up with all the action there which covers the gamut but in a very different way from all the other shows, mixed with industry folks and a shitload of fans, which I love and drive me crazy at the same time.
And yes, there’s not one but TWO award shows during the event: the O Awards for the adult novelty products and the AVN Awards for all of the other parts of the industry (including – ADULT NOVELTIES!!). That’s two more dresses I need to get!
On Sunday, January 25, I am happy to announce that I’ll be recovering, from what, I don’t know. I’ll be driving back and will leave early enough to avid the stampede down the 15 back home to LA. Two weeks of shows that are back to back and front to front will keep me at a crazy pace and force me to drink far too many 5 Hour Energy Shots (my favorite ones being orange and grape).  I’ll have a lot to write about so as they say in Hollywood (or at least they USED to), “Stay tuned!”
Okay, I’m going to start a tradition which is one of my favorites. As you may know, I have been blogging on XBIZ for years (here’s the link) and I always write a Joke Of The Blog at the end of it, so why not here?
So here’s the first one… there will be a lot more…
Speaking of Vegas, one night a couple had angry sex. You know, the kind you get through because you want to spite your partner, and you get through it but when you’re finished, you know you’re done. After the woman had sex with her husband, she angrily pulled on her clothes, started packing her suitcase and barked “That’s it. I’m done. I’m moving to Las Vegas where I can get $300 for what I just did with you.” Her husband looked up at her and said “Ya think you can survive on $900 a year?”

FOUR Sex Toy Shows this month: ANME, XBIZ, SHE and AEE!

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For those of us in the adult toy industry, January kicks off the year as the crazy month, at least for those of us behind the counter. I’m dizzy with the FOUR shows within two weeks starting on Monday, that let me learn, share, buy, grow and my favorite, schmooze. ANME, XBIZ, SHE and AEE/AVN. Hold on to your seats and join me for this whirlwind schedule.
ANME, the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo, is the beginning of the series of shows on January 12 and 13. While January is considered the slower show of the two shows, the other being held in July), everyone always poses the question: “What’s new?”
Ah yes, what’s new. I am sure I’ll be seeing plenty of new styles of pink rabbits, more BDSM related products because of the impending release of the hotly anticipated movie “Fifty Shades of Grey.” The printed version caused a frenzy in our industry two years ago and many of us are hoping that when people actually SEE the dominant and submissive action between the two characters, that they’re gonna run right out and buy lots and lots of equipment from us. Sportsheets is anticipating a newly minted audience rushing out to discreetly buy kits and have prepped themselves with their cleverly titled Sexperiments line, which is so new, we don’t even have them yet on the GrandOpening.com website! But check it soon!
I’m sure there will be plenty more at the show and I can’t wait to see everything.
Right after ANME is the XBIZ360 show from January 13-16. It’s a really good, trade only networking and learning event that’s really good. It’s not so much booth oriented but allows plenty of time for schmoozing (my favorite!) and the learning is excellent. Even I learn a lot when I’m there (especially when I poke my head into the adult film and web masters parts of it).  It offers all the cousins in the smut family: adult film industry, the adult toy industry, the adult web industry, or in any aspect of the adult pleasure industry so it’s always fun to get together during this perverted kind of family gathering. My favorite!  XBIZ Industry Executive Awards with YOURS TRULY being nominated as Community Executive of the Year! Can’t wait for that and wish me luck! I’ve been in the biz for 22 years now and in LOTS of communities in this wacky industry I love so much. Stay tuned! I’ll let you know when I win!
And the XBIZ Awards on January 15 are gonna be so hot, it’s gonna scorch the Nokia Theatre in downtown LA! It’s gonna be great. My favorite new gizmo, Bubble Love, is nominated in a few categories so I’ll keep my fingers crossed we win!
The XBIZ 360 event runs into the SHE show which is the Sexual Health Expo, put on by XBIZ at the Sofitel Hotel in Beverly Hills on the weekend of January 17-18. It IS a consumer show and I’m sure there will be many hungry and savvy sex curious attendees wanting to attend every workshop offered. And yes, there are awards to be given out over the weekend for the top female sexual health products on the market today. Another award show, another dress, no problem!
Then it’s home for two days to catch my breath and do laundry and other shit around the house (do I buy groceries?!?) before I drive out to Vegas for the granddaddy of ’em all, the AVN show, aka the big ass porno convention that has been in existence for over 30 years. I’ve been going to it since about 1997 and it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. It’s pretty whack and it’s at the Hard Rock from January 21-24. It’s a crazy time keeping up with all the action there which covers the gamut but in a very different way from all the other shows, mixed with industry folks and a shitload of fans, which I love and drive me crazy at the same time. And yes, there’s not one but TWO award shows during the event: the O Awards for the adult novelty products and the AVN Awards for all of the other parts of the industry (including – ADULT NOVELTIES!!). That’s two more dresses I need to get!
On Sunday, January 25, I am happy to announce that I’ll be recovering, from what, I don’t know. I’ll be driving back and will leave early enough to avid the stampede down the 15 back home to LA. Two weeks of shows that are back to back and front to front will keep me at a crazy pace and force me to drink far too many 5 Hour Energy Shots (my favorite ones being orange and grape).  I’ll have a lot to write about so as they say in Hollywood (or at least they USED to), “Stay tuned!”
Okay, I’m going to start a tradition which is one of my favorites. As you may know, I have been blogging on XBIZ for years (here’s the link) and I always write a Joke Of The Blog at the end of it, so why not here? So here’s the first one… there will be a lot more…
Speaking of Vegas, one night a couple had angry sex. You know, the kind you get through because you want to spite your partner, and you get through it but when you’re finished, you know you’re done.
After the woman had sex with her husband, she angrily pulled on her clothes, started packing her suitcase and barked “That’s it. I’m done. I’m moving to Las Vegas where I can get $300 for what I just did with you.”
Her husband looked up at her and said “Ya think you can survive on $900 a year?”

Dong should be replaced by dildo in sex toy descriptions.

Dong & Flesh: Why Sex Toy Descriptions Have It Wrong

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Two Words in the Sex Toy Biz I Could Do Without

You know, I’ve been in this industry over 20 years having owned Grand Opening! and before that, starting out as a sex toy aficionado ever since I was old enough to walk into a porn store. In those decades, I’ve seen so many changes and have been excited by all of them. The relatively recent evolution of sex toys is pretty amazing: remote controlled vibes; round, marble shaped vibes that once cost $250 to buy are now slung around as keychains; tiny, pinky-sized vibrators that pack a punch; sizes, shapes and colors that were once unfathomable, and so many more. I love ‘em all.

Dong should be replaced by dildo in sex toy descriptions.

A dong, yes, but not a dong.


But there’s two words that are still hanging around in the sex toy nomenclature that are throwbacks to the bad ol’ good ol’ days of those sticky-floored, cigar smoking sales clerks selling singularly colored toys that could only do one thing.
Here they are:  DONG and FLESH.

On Dong and Why It’s Wrong

Ask any harness-strappin’ lesbian what she calls her toy and it ain’t “DONG.” It’s called a dildo which is a term that has been around for a long time. In fact, the term “dildo” has been around for centuries and I’m good with that.
But that word “dong” is the one that really gets me going. According to Wikipedia, the word “dong” falls into three categories: “Asian languages,” “People,” and “Other Meanings” including, wait for it… the easternmost village in India; a pornographic actor; feces or excrement; a language game where words are spelled out and consonants have the syllable -ong added on the end; a creature in the nonsense poem of Edward Lear: “The Dong with a Luminous Nose;’” a home run in baseball; a hot dog or German sausage; Dong Open Air (which is a heavy metal festival in Germany named after the Dong hill); and to top it all off, Dong is also a neighborhood division in Korea. If Psy recorded “Dong Style” instead of “Gangham Style” which also references a section in Korea, who knows what the adult industry would have done with that!
So thinking about the somewhat interchangeable terms “dildo” and “dong,” when I go for the gusto and want to fill my inner thighs, I don’t reach for a “dong,” I reach for a dildo. When a partner wants me to stick one into their willing body, they don’t breathe heavy and say “Fuck me with that DONG.” They gasp, “Shove that dildo in harder!” (or actually, they just scream “fuck me harder” and since my gender technically restricts me to only using my fingers and tongue, I ALWAYS reach for a dildo to pack it in their moist channels of desire).
So isn’t it time we retire the term “dong” from our adult industry sex toy terms, packaging, and signage? I mean, if you were to hold one up and show it to someone and ask what they’d call it, I’d bet my hard earned cash that they would say “George,” whoops! I mean, they’d call it a “dildo,” NOT a dong. If you were to ask your grandfather or even GREAT grandfather, they’d probably respond “I’d call that me in my younger years…” or they MIGHT call it a “dong.”
For internet shits and giggles, try looking up the word dildo in Google images and you’ll see the reflection of many products we’re all familiar with. Look up the word dong in Google images and you’ll come up with the visages of hundreds of Asian men and soon realize that the word “dong” is no longer used to describe a sex toy. Unless of course, the aforementioned Mr. Dong HAS a dong or IS a dong…
Besides which, if you get a nick in your toy would that make it a “ding dong”?
DONG – let’s get that word outta here.

Flesh-colored. I mean, really?

Okay, so the other term is what Crayola Crayons discontinued way back in, WHAT?! NINETEEN SIXTY TWO?!? In response to the Civil Rights Movement, the folks at Crayola cleverly changed the crayon color called “Flesh” to “Peach” to reflect the many range of tones of the human skin. So why is the adult industry taking more than 50 years to change our color designation? I mean, we have toys in many skin tones available yet still refer to that common tan color as “Flesh.”
To my knowledge, no manufacturers have been picketed by NAACP (which STILL stands for National Association for the Advancement of COLORED PEOPLE so I guess we can get a pass on that one) or any other civil rights organizations that I can think of, to change the descriptive color of “black” to “African American” so there’s really nothing to fear in that department. The reason why these civil rights organizations don’t picket might be because the adult products industry isn’t that important. But think how many of these DONGS, I mean, DILDOS we sell every day, month, and year. My guess is that it surpasses the number of men, women, and children in the US at any given moment but that’s another blog.
Changing the color designation of adult toys would be simple to do: simply call them “tan.” We call others brown and black and there are still companies that refer to creamy coffee colored toys as “Mulatto” which I’m not sure is considered a somewhat derogatory term at this point or not. I’ll have to try the word on someone and see what their reaction is and my guess is that they probably won’t know what the hell I’m talking about. I think the more accepted terms these days is “bi-racial” – hey, anytime “bi” is referenced in ANYTHING always scores in my book.
And I’m not bringing these two terms up to tentpole my PC muscle, I mean, my Political Correctness flag, but to let our beloved (and major) manufacturers know it’s about time to update the descriptions of our most popular sex toys. On the eve of our biggest trade show of the year, ANME, maybe it’s time to announce those subtle yet remarkable changes. I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only one to notice and to celebrate. Hell, I’ll even go out and buy a new, tan colored dildo to use on my politically correct and always happy snatch. I can hardly wait.
And now for your regularly scheduled JOTB:
Once, two guys went to a diner for lunch. The waitress took their order. The first guy says “I’ll take a hamburger.” The second guy says “I’ll have a hot dog.”
Moments later, the waitress walks by with her hands under her armpits. Curious, the guys ask why she’s doing that. “I’m doing this to defrost the hamburger,” she replies.
The second guy looks at her and says “Cancel my hot dog order.”
Okay! On to my next blog!  See ya soon!
This article originally appeared on XBIZ.

Sex Toys Go Mainstream

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Look over your shoulder. The sex toys are coming! The sextoys are coming! Many of us in the adult industry already know that several kinds of toys have made their way into brick and mortar general merchandise stores such as CVS, Rite Aid, Walgreens, and the ever-conservative Walmart. Yep, Walmart.

mainstream sex toys

You can find sex toys anywhere nowadays.
Source: Dabbler.ca


Industry giants Durex and Trojan have penetrated the mainstream market by placing their toys in the condoms and lubricants section of the stores – I mean, where else would they put them? They aren’t by the front counter… yet. Sometimes, they cleverly hide in the “massagers” area – the place where once can easily erase those aches and pains with a Tylenol and a vibrator. The mainstreamed products range from vibrating cock rings, the original cross-over product that created a stir when introduced into drug stores a decade ago, to real, live action VIBRATORS that make no pretense as to what they really are. Their discreet packaging is what slides them easily into those stores.
I was at a Walgreens recently and gulped when I saw the mainstay Pocket Rocket, complete with interchangeable heads, being pawned off as a massager. And of course, the price was waaay lower than what a typical adult store would need to charge to cover their overhead. I wondered how many elderly women would go back to their hubbies and say “Look what I got at Walgreens, honey! It’s for pain relief for my arthritic knuckles!”

Mainstream Sex Toys: Good or Bad?

I really feel that the mainstreaming of toys is both good and bad for the adult industry. Here’s why…
Mainstream sex toys are bad because people don’t have to feel obligated to visit their local adult store to buy a vibrator. When checking out at Walmart, they can simply add it to their purchase. “That’ll be tissues, a bottle of Minute Maid, a new T shirt, a Transformers toy, tampons, and oh, a Trojan vibrator and the total of your order is…” with the check out clerk barely noticing what’s in the shopping cart. Vamoose pesky embarrassment!
So then you have suburban housewife, or even RURAL housewife, discovering the joys of using her new found toy. “Gee, I only read about these things in Redbook,” might cross her mind. “I think I like this.”
And that’s where we come in. Once Ms. Suburbia finds she likes the sensation of her new found pleasure, it can often open the door to more purchases of bigger, faster, harder, more kinds of toys. And lubricants. And body treats. And lingerie. And DVDs. And sex ed instruction books. The list can go on and on. It’s up to us to continue her education (and hopefully her partner’s if that’s the case) to let her know buying these things is okay. She’s an automatic upsell as the overwhelming majority of sex toys sold in the mainstream are pretty straightforward, well, straight, vibrators.
But I’m still concerned. It’s like my own little secret of where to buy these things has been mass merchandised and all the special attributes I’ve learned about each and every gizmo will be out there for everyone to know. But isn’t that why we do this anyway? To preach the gospel to the public of why we love these unique and always-changing toys? To share our enthusiasm and educate those hard to reach customers so they can reach those “hard to reach places”? I guess so.
So let’s embrace our mass merchandisers in the sex toy department, knowing that the next purchase for these women will be in our stores and from our websites, where we can provide so much more information than the clerk sporting the blue smock.
See ya on the next blog!
JOTB (joke of the blog, that is!)
Once a guy went to his doctor and said “Doc, my dick is orange!”
“Really?” the doctor replied. “Let me see.”
Sure enough, the guy had an orange dick. “Hmmmm,” said the doctor. “Do you live under high power lines?” he questioned the man.
“No,” he answered.
“Do you work at a nuclear power plant?” the doctor continued.
“No,” the man answered. “In fact, I’m not working right now.”
“Oh!,” the doctor responded. “Then what do you do all day?”
“Not much,” shrugged the man. “Sit around, watch porno, eat Cheeze Doodles…”
[Originally published on XBIZ.com]

Cleaning Your Sex Toys, Step-by-Step

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This probably doesn’t sound so fun, but cleaning your sex toys regularly is important if you’re going to hang onto them for any length of time. Proper care ensures toys that stay in good condition and naughty bits that stay in good health. So, for the love of all that’s holy, clean your toys!

sex toy cleaner

Please, don’t use household cleaners.
Source: the.barb

Out of the Packaging

As soon as you receive a new sex toy, clean it. Use a mild anti-bacterial soap and warm water to clean off any chemicals that may still be lingering from the manufacturing process. Or, if the toy has a battery pack, avoid submerging it and use a sex toy cleaner.

The Material Matters

What the sex toy is made out of will directly affect how you go about cleaning it. Most of the time, soap and water will do, but let’s take a look at each of the materials and get specific for a minute anyway.

  • Silicone sex toys. Antibacterial soap and water will do, as will a toy cleaner. Silicone is a high quality material, so you just need to let it air dry before tucking it away in a storage pouch or drawer.
  • Jelly sex toys. Soap and water or a sex toy cleaner will do the trick. Just keep in mind that this material is porous and can never be disinfected. Never share these toys!
  • Metal sex toys. Good ol’ soap and water, rubbing alcohol, or a universal toy cleaner gets the job done. Want to disinfect your aluminum, titanium or *gasp* gold, dildo? You can boil it. This only applies to dildos, okay, not vibes. Dry it off with a soft cloth before storing.
  • Plastic sex toys. This non-porous material is easy to clean. Use soap and water, a toy cleaner, or rubbing alcohol then let it air dry before storing.

Sharing Isn’t Caring

It’s best not to share porous sex toys unless you cover them up with a condom during each and every use.
Cleaning your sex toys might not sound like fun, but making this little bit of extra effort ensures you’ll be having good clean fun for the foreseeable future.

CalExotics Silicone Love Rider Review

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If you’re looking for a personalized touch in your next harness, the 10 Function Silicone Love Rider from CalExotics is an excellent choice. Not only does it provide a wide range of settings, it’s also a great starter harness. But more on that later.
calexotics silicone love riderFirst, let’s get some of the nitty gritty details out of the way. The dildo is made from silicone, so you know it’s going to feel ultra realistic. It measures in at 6 1/2” long by 1 1/2” wide and it nestles in snug into the black vinyl harness.
The great thing about this harness is that it’s quite large and can stand up to real vigorous use. It’ll fit women, petite and plus-sized, and the 1” wide straps sit nicely between your legs. This means the straps won’t get in the way if you want to slip your hand down to provide a little clitoral stimulation.
Another thing I liked is how the harness doesn’t ride up. The back panel is wide and stays in place nicely. Feel free to go buck wild. This thing isn’t moving.
The dildo features a 10 function vibrator at the end of the shaft and you can even slip the remote controller into the harness straps so it’s out of the way (but close at hand) when it’s time to get down to business. The vibe’s power is pretty strong. And a really cool feature? It remembers your last settings the next time you use it.

What Did I Think of the CalExotics 10 Function Silicone Love Rider?

Great product. This vibrating dildo and harness set is sturdy and performs well. Standout features include the settings memory for the vibe, strong and no-ride-up straps, and a nifty instruction booklet that tells you how to wear a harness.

Sex toys are tricky when your wrist is broken.

The Trouble with Sex Toys for the (Temporarily) Disabled

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Here I am – now among the ranks of the (temporarily) disabled community. I banked into a wall during a workout and tried to break my fall with my left wrist which resulted in, well, breaking my left wrist. Getting thrust into this realm makes me think about using sex toys when you’re unable to fully grasp them, never mind successfully using personal lubricant without having it dribble into my cast. Hmmm… gives me pause and makes me think about the people that have permanent disabilities and how they can successfully and pleasurably use the gizmos in our crazy business.

What Sex Toys Should I Use?

Sex toys are tricky when your wrist is broken.
Looking at my grandopening.com website, which is chock full of pretty much anything you could ever want and need in the world of sex toys, I am now thinking about what vibrator has a cap at the base that I can twist with one hand (I have no gripping ability), what lube doesn’t have a silvery, stuck on seal that I can’t grasp, have lingerie I can slip in because even though I have a wad of fiberglas encircling my forearm that twirls down to the top of my knuckles and yet still feel sexy. And of course, there’s the other things I love to do, cast be damned!
So let’s see… in order to feel sexy, I might just light up one of those super sensuous massage candles available. You know, the ones made with soy oil that burn at a low temperature which allows me to dribble the oil all over my willing partner. Let’s see… oh look! They have a kind of pop top cap that MAYBE I can take off with one hand but they also have a plastic seal around the edge which does make it a little trickier to open, if at all. How about a pull off ring on the top so I can manage it with one hand? It might look a little cheesy but I’m disabled, you know. Hallelujah! Here’s the BSwish massage candle in a very sexy, open container that I can not only light easily but can grasp pretty easily, too, perhaps even with my casted arm.
Now about that lighter I need to light the candle. I think I’d either burn the house down or cause third degree burns if I tried to handle a lighter or matches right now. I think I’ll use my long charcoal bar-be-que lighter that I can easily wrangle with one hand that throws flames further than my almost-casted fingers.
On to the lingerie. Have to look good while using the sex toys, right? Since I can’t use something with long sleeves because it would probably snag at my elbow, how about slipping into something sexy with no zippers, buttons, snaps or eyelets that I have found are virtually impossible to use right now? Let’s see… Here’s a long schmata although the picture doesn’t show me what the back of it looks like.. hopefully it won’t have those aforementioned clothing closings which cause me so much temporary grief. And fortunately, I can shimmy into (and out of) that G string…
Okay, so the soy candle is lit, the lingerie is on (and it fits over my cast! Woohoo! It amazes me about what gets me excited now!), and now it’s time for the pleasure of toys… let’s see what I grab.
First, I always start with lube which I have always said and will always say, is the numero uno sex toy that everyone should have and use, disability be damned! So let’s look at some…
You know the caps that lots of lube companies use? The caps can sometimes be easy to flip open with one hand which is extra nice when you’re doing something else with sex toys with your hand, but about that pesky foil seal. Now I know that companies use them to ensure purity for the product inside, which is understandable but when you aren’t able to grasp the teeny tiny foil tabbie things on the seal, well, you’re SOL. What to do? Simple! Grab a pump bottle of lube instead! The pump assures you there will be no obstacle-inducing foil seals inside. The pumps go all the way to the bottom of the bottle so if I happen to tip the bottle in a wacky angle, it will probably work just fine. Thank goodness I already have this life-saving bottle of I-D lube at the ready. Pump size, natch.
As for sex toys, if it’s a solo flight, a dildo is a pretty safe bet. Easy to grab and hold on to, there are more dildos out there than I can shake a vagina at. Glass, silicone, or metal, they’ll always do the trick without leaving me frustrated that I can’t put batteries in the shaft ‘cuz for the most part, they ain’t made to do so.
Well, let’s say I want to visit vibrator land… there’s always the trusty silver bullet vibe and the standard one with the attached battery case cover, you know, the ones that take 2 AA batteries, that will let me open it with one hand. Never gave it much thought but now I sure do. The Ultra Bullet Power Vibe from Nasstoys is long enough to use on the outside or slip into the inside… just they way, uh huh uh huh, I like it…
Now if I want to use something other than the silver bullet in the land of sex toys, that might be a little trickier. The Evolved rolling speed control on their Roulette collection of vibrators might be easy to use in my frisky, disabled moments. Looking at the video which accompanies many of the products on the grandopening.com website, it shows me how to put the batteries in which helps me determine what I would need to do in order to successfully grasp the willing silicone vibe. Hmmm. Looks like I’d have to shove the shaft near my armpit to give it my newly learned upper bicep death grip which is what I use to open mayonnaise jars right now. If I can handle a 30 oz., 4 inch wide jar of Helman’s Light Mayo, a silicone vibe should be no problem. And the rolling speed control on the base will eliminate any twisting of my only other functional wrist and I’ll be careful not to use Helman’s as my lube.
Yes, I’m sure you’re all wondering about the other popular vibe out there. I know I can always grab the trusty Hitachi Magic Wand but if it slips away from my single, right handed grasp and falls onto my hardened left forearm, that could be a little ouchy, resulting in a quick sucking down of a Vicodin. Better leave the Hitachi to massage my aching shoulders instead.
Okay, enough about me. How about you, my dear lovers? I mean, what better way to increase blood circulation into my ailing appendage than to take things into my own hands and have some fun, mano a mano sexual relations with one-handed sex toys?
Well, being Trysexual (“I’ll try anything sexual”), there might be times I’m with a male buddy and want to do the ol’ hand jive. But wait! Sliding up and down with a wad of fiberglas in my fist is not my definition of a good time and most likely not his either! What to do? I think it’s time to use one of those hand-y hand job assistants, pocket pussies as they were, and use that with the assistance of my right hand and loose lips. A lightweight one would decrease the risk of creating muscle weakness in my one strong wrist so I better go with the Nasswalk Better Than Real Skin Pussy – Jessica (I’ll rename it Kim) because the Fleshlight is a tad bulky right now and I can’t crack open the Tenga Egg with a cast. Maybe smash it but it would wreck the feng shui of the moment.
Now, if it’s someone that delights in the sensation of being on the receiving end, aka pegging and those sorts of things, the easiest harness to use when you’re the one handed wonder is the ever-popular RodeoH harness, a simple to use, shimmy into pair of tighty whiteys that happen to have an easy-to-access harness ring built into the front. This makes for no pesky straps that I’d have to loop around a doorknob to tighten before the action starts. That would NOT be a pretty sight nor would I consider it foreplay (although some people I know would). All I need to do is pop an aforementioned dildo in place and presto! Cast be damned! I’m having a good time with my sex toys!
And you know what? I decided I am no longer telling people I crashed into a wall during a workout. It just doesn’t sound sexy enough so when people ask how I broke my wrist, I’m going to tell them I did it masturbating.
Ah yes, if only it were true.
JOTB:
If a stork brings white babies and a blackbird brings black babies, what bird brings NO babies?
A swallow.
Once a manager in a company had to let go of one of his employees, either Jack or Mary. He couldn’t decide who so he thought he would wait to see who would go up to the water cooler first.
He waited, then Mary went up to the water cooler to take two aspirin. He went up to Mary and said “Mary, I have a problem. I don’t know whether to lay you or Jack off.” She looked at him and said “You better jack off. I have a headache.”

Porn shops, gender, and more: the industry is full of assumptions

Gender: Do Not Assume

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You know the old adage, “When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.” Pretty clever, eh? I got to thinking that there’s the strong likelihood that people in this wacky adult industry assume a lot of things, with particular regard to gender. Let’s take a look at our assumptions…
Porn shops, gender, and more: the industry is full of assumptions
I really love going into adult stores. Porn stores. Peep shows. Arcades. Sex boutiques. Porno theaters (what’s left of them, anyway). You name it, I love it. But a lot of times, these assumptions can color one’s perceptions of what they actually see and experience there. Ask anyone who works in a porn store with male customers trading hard-earned cash for slippery, silvery tokens that are only to be fed into a slot machine (no, not THAT kind silly!) – the ones that show a few minutes of a tired video (okay, in reality, a DVD) for the pleasure of a few anonymous moments, to watch the scene unfold in the privacy of their own booth, only to have the time slip away before the magic moment when the customer creeps out into the front of the store to embarrassingly plead for a few more tokens so he can slide back into the booth to finish himself off.
Now, who is that guy? Old? Young? Well, that’s pretty obvious by just looking at him but the rest is really an unknown. That gold wedding ring can symbolize he’s married, so why is he in the booth with some other guy? Why is he watching that DVD “Trannies Gone Wild in Cabo”? There you go! You can’t assume that he’s a straight married guy, living in the suburbs with his 2.2 children because ya just never know.
And you can never assume anything by looking at the people IN the DVDs either! Watching those lesbian films of two (or more) girls going at it doesn’t make them lesbians – I mean, they’re in porno and they’re acting, you know! Or maybe they really are… you just can’t assume anything.
Not only can you not assume their gender preference, you can’t assume their gender either.
Now, let’s take the fab porn star Buck Angel… have you seen him? If not, I highly recommend seeing his new DVD “Sexing the Transman.” Yes, you read right. One look at Buck and you’d be saying “Hey Dude! Let’s meet at the local cigar hangout and light a few stogies together!” He’s a man’s man – buff with strong tribal tattoos adorning his thick guns, goatee that circles a mischievous grin, tight ass that he knows how to use, and wait! What’s that between his legs?!? It’s, it’s, it’s… a pumped up clit! Yep! He’s a transman and he’s damn proud of it. Born as a female and now living and being 100% male. He owns what he proudly calls “A Man Pussy” and if you want to widen your sexual horizons, get his DVD and see for yourself. He had several of his transman followers volunteer to be part of his groundbreaking video so they could show themselves to the world – transman junk and all. And no, Chaz Bono is NOT in the film and I can only hope he’s seen it himself… but we’ll never know. You can check out Buck’s great website right here.
Now, as with all transgendered persons, each and every one makes their own decision as to what level of transsexualism they want to undertake. Is it merely identifying as the opposite gender? Is it taking the hormones of the opposite gender? Is it having “top” surgery (either breast augmentation as a male to female or “chest reconstruction” for a female to male which is basically a double mastectomy)? Is it having “bottom” surgery (which is perfected for males to females and done by creating a vulva with the scrotum and a vaginal lining from the external penis skin and for females to males, well, it’s not quite as a perfected art but with the right amount of testosterone and a great surgeon, there can be some impressive results: check out the images here). Is it creating their own gender which makes them more comfortable in their being and not necessarily by subscribing to this or that gender. I own a sticker that says “Fuck Your Gender!” and that can sure mean lots of different things, including “Don’t Assume!”
And of course, there’s always the group that everyone ASSUMES is the only trans type of subdivision out there… the male to female transwomen (I guess that would be the politically correct reference), or affectionately called “Trannies.” My favorite TS performer once said to me “I want to make movies but not have them called “Tranny Surprise!” or be of run-of the mill quality,” and she not only is a total babe but comes packin’ a real nice 8″ – she’s Tara Emory who also makes her SPECTACULAR costumes, too. Her videos are beautiful and resemble Andrew Blake’s finest work… hey Andrew, time to spice things up and offer beauties of a different kind….
So, I’ll sign off this blog about assumptions around gender. I know my blog is about sex toys but letting go of assumptions, whether it be the gender, sexual preference, or the marital status of your customer, just keep in mind that it’s always good to check your assumptions at the door especially in this wacky business we know and love.
And the JOTB which is fitting for this one (there’s two)….
Once, a guy was dating a beautiful Thai woman and one time after having sex, he decided to ask her why she strokes his member for hours after he’s done his business. He mustered up the courage and said “Honey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you… why is it that when we’re done having sex, you stroke my cock for as long as you do?” and she looked at him and sighed “Because I really miss mine…”
And last but not least….
Speaking of testosterone replacement (for female to male transsexuals) and estrogen replacement (which is what a lot of male to female transsexuals take), how do you make a hormone?
Don’t pay her…