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"I have a fatal disease," he said

I thought I would share that quote with you. You know what that fatal disease is? It’s called LIFE. It will be terminal and I’ll pass when the time comes. I guess that’s why they call it “passing time.”

raven and mortality

Source: tanakawho


With every birth there is death. It’s inevitable. I’d like to defeat that fact but I honestly don’t think I can. Sure, I could freeze my body in the hopes that it will get unfrozen someday but since I don’t like cold, I don’t think I’ll go for that. Heehee. I also found out in 8th grade that I’m allergic to formaldehyde. Yes, formaldehyde.
We were on split sessions to ease overcrowding at my school, so when I sat down at my homeroom desk in a science class, the previous students had done dissection and spilled the clear, watery fluid on the desk, leaving it for us underclassmen to clean up. When I sat in my chair, all of a sudden, my eyes started watering to the point of flooding, I raced to the nurse’s office sans hall pass, where it was quickly determined that I was allergic to formaldehyde and I would be unable to any dissections in the future. Lucky me.
But I digress. Since I can’t get embalmed because of my allergy (wait, I think I left my blonde hair color on too long), I decided that when I go, I am going to donate my body to science. I love science strictly as an observer, especially when it comes to sex science but that’s another blog. Hopefully, I’ll make the world a better place even when I’m done with my shell.
But I have no idea when that time will come. I just know it will.
I have a friend who recently got diagnosed with some strange lung disease that the doctor said is fatal. The doctor told him that he has about a year and a half to go and my friend is really depressed about it.
But in a strange way, we have death in common. I have always been one to live each day as if it were your last because you know what? You REALLY have no idea if it is. I mean, people get killed waiting for a bus at a bus stop, thinking that the safety of a 6 inch curb is going to prevent some asshole from jumping it and slicing into them while they are waiting to go to work.
People drive down the highway in their cars, oblivious that the vehicle next to them may have that person’s expiration date invisibly etched onto the side of their car. Or a driver can be listening to their favorite tunes and a concrete construction pipe could roll off the truck in front of them and BLAMO. Game over. On to the next plain without any warning.
Yes, these occurrences really happened. But not to me.
So I live each moment as if it were my last. I ride a motorcycle. I’ve raced hydroplanes. I take chances. I am a risk taker. I appreciate every breath I breathe, every step I take, every time I close my eyes for restful sleep, hoping that the miracle of life will take over when I wake.
I try to share my enthusiasm for life with everyone I know. And those I don’t. I want to share my love of my precious life with my friend with the fatal disease. There is plenty of hard, scientific proof that says that a positive attitude can add years to your life and perhaps in his case, just more time (see, I told you I liked science!). But some people just continue to wallow in sadness and will always be the glum chum to me, no matter if they have days to live or the rest of their life.
So, as they say, live life to the fullest. Go for it on a daily basis… an hourly basis… a breath by breath basis. Appreciate little things, the noise and the peace. Stillness and movement. Seriousness and silliness. Darkness and light.
And when the time comes, you can die happy which to me, is the only way to go.
Now on to my next breath…
 
 

The Perfect Day

Monday, March 11, 2013 started as a beautiful day. A perfect day! A wonderful day! A day to be outside.
I found that I needed to get out and ride the 30 or so miles from my home in Culver City to The Valley. THE Valley. The one that’s on the other side of the hill so many people cross in a single day through the Sepulveda Pass. In cars. And for us lucky ones, on motorcycles.
It was a beautiful day.

perfect day, perfect motorcycle ride

I cruised up the 405 in my normal fashion on my Honda Shadow ACE as I had done so many times before when I worked in The Valley. The road was clear, the pavement smooth. The perfect ride as I held the throttle at the perfect speed, aware of my surroundings and the coolness of the wind through the vents of my helmet.
I effortlessly rode through the pass, never once needing to squeeze the brakes, then smoothly slid into the high speed lane, the car pool lane, when I made it into The Valley. The left hand lane where the road was free and clear.
I gently turned a bend and noticed the red glare of tail lights began to flare in front of me. I had plenty of room so I knew it was for something else. I saw the blue lights of police cars on the other side of the waist-high divider, noticing the black and white cars were not blocked by tow trucks, fire trucks, and the emergency vehicles that litter the road when an accident has occurred.  The cars to my right were slowing down to crane their necks, to see the accident, to pause for a moment but I had no one in front of me to slow me down.
And then I saw it. The sheet on the pavement. The white sheet. The outline of a crumpled body that lay beneath the white sheet. The white sheet.
And then the helmet near the sheet. A black and white full face helmet. By itself. Sitting there. Belonging to no one that was on a motorcycle. Belonging to the white sheet. Belonging to the one who wore it just moments before. The one lying still as the world continued on both sides of the divider. The one that could have been me.
My heart sank. My eyes swelled with sadness. It could have been me.
Who was this person under The White Sheet. Who? Who’s fault was it? Were they riding too fast? Were they splitting lanes? Were they wearing a t shirt and sneakers? Was it a man? Was it a woman? Were they riding a sportbike? A cruiser? A Harley? Were they a new rider? Had they been riding since they were a kid? Did they have children? Were they speeding? Did they get hit? Did they have on leathers? Did they see anything before their life ended so suddenly, so tragically? Did they have an ICE number on their phone? Did they have a will? Were they going to meet a friend and the friend is now nervous because their friend hadn’t shown up yet and they’re thinking the worst because they know their friend always rides their motorcycle everywhere? Do they know?
Monday, March 11, 2013 was a perfect day.
I rode back along the same stretch of road many hours later wondering how the hiccup in the road just moments earlier would be memorialized. I rode in the car pool lane, the exact same lane that my fellow rider rode earlier in the day. On that perfect day. Today.
There were no marks, no skid marks that I could tell would be still so fresh they would leak the scent of rubber. I couldn’t tell where the sheet had been. Where the body laid. Where it happened. Nothing to mark the place where the throttle was twisted, the brakes applied, the life taken. My gut felt like lead. My tears flowed only to be pushed aside by the warm wind that surrounded my face shield.
A shiny glimpse of glass caught my eye on the left shoulder. Perhaps it was a reflection of the life that had ended on the pavement of the 405. Maybe it was the rider telling me to be careful out there because they did not expect to die on the freeway that day.
On that day. Monday, March 11, 2013.
The perfect day.